Type-Cast

My Disney essay!

2010-03-01T15:49:00.001-08:00

Here it is in it's completed form which is, in my opinion, a worse form than the previous since I had to cut out so many details that strengthened my argament. Sorry when I copied and pasted the italics apparently didn't go through.. that might make the film titles and princess names a little confusing... deal with it i'm lazy.

Princesses of Colour: The Message Disney Sends to Little Girls of Colour
Rosanna R. Shamshudin
995856809
Kay Armatage
INI323Y1 – Feminist Theory in Film

In her article on children of color and Disney Princesses, Dorothy Hurley claims that it is important for all children to see themselves mirrored in images and texts in order to create a positive self-image (Hurley 1). If this is so then what does that mean for little girls of color in the Western world who watch the Disney Princesses of color? In the first three films starring females of colour, Pocahontas, Aladdin and Mulan, the roles of females of colour are the same: exotic, domestic, oppressed, working class and capable – but only when unnecessary. About a decade later, Disney released The Princess And The Frog, a film about an African-American princess that attempted to be feminist. In some aspects, it does prevail. However, like the three aforementioned films, The Princess And The Frog is not always as feminist as it seems.

The first thing that Disney teaches little girls of colour is that they are exotic. Unlike Caucasian girls, a girl of colour is not simply beautiful. She is mysterious and exciting. The Princesses of colour demonstrate this as they reenact formulaic stereotypes of their respective cultural roles as females of colour. This is shown in their movements and actions.

Pocahontas is the stereotypical noble savage figure. She is wild and connected to nature in a way no “civilized” person can be. Her figure as a Native woman comes from a history of symbolization of the New World. Rayne Green outlines this in her essay, “The Pocahontas Perplex.” During the settlement and colonization of the New World by the Europeans in the 1500s the Native woman was exoticized. She symbolized the New world as a savage but beautiful, fertile place that had to be tamed (Green 703). Once the Americans won their independence from Britain, the Native woman was reconfigured into a less savage Princess figure that represented innocent primitivism and subservience to the civilized White man (Green 704). In the film, Pocahontas conforms to all the stereotypes placed on her according to race. For example, she is rarely ever seen outside the forest. Even her own people have to drag her back to their civilization. She is graceful, speaks to mystical willow trees and befriends animals. Pocahontas even reenacts old Native Princess legends, specifically that of the “Lover’s Leap,” in which the Native female throws herself off a cliff when she is torn from her male lover (Green 704). Pocahontas clearly reenacts this at the beginning of the film when her friend, Nakoma, calls her back to her home.

However, the Native woman trope that Disney is most guilty of perpetuating is that of “Little Mohee.” “Little Mohee” was a common song that told the tale of a White man who falls in love with a Native woman named Mohea. He lives with her and begins to prefer her primitive paradise to his own “civilized” life. Eventually the man sails away and marries another woman but dreams of going back to spend his days with “little Mohea” (Green 709). Pocahontas parallels this story. John Smith comes to her land, falls in love and comes to appreciate her way of life over his own. In the end he leaves her and she is left on a cliff, waving goodbye, just as Mohea does in the line “And as my boat passed her she waved me her hand” (Green 709).
Jasmine also conforms to traditional stereotypes of the Islamic woman found in colonial Orientalist travelogues (Pinn 57). She is exotic, oppressed and sexual. Living in a patriarchal system, Jasmine reiterates the oppressed Princess and the exotic harem girl dichotomy.

As an Eastern princess, Jasmine lives in opulence, a stereotype that also originates from colonial travelogues. Islamic rulers were said to live in immense palaces and horde vast amounts of wealth while outside commoners suffered in poverty (Said 108). As a Muslim princess, Jasmine is also oppressed by a male dominated society. She is forced by law to marry a prince by her sixteenth birthday and locked out of the public world. “Trapped,” she says as she wishes that she didn’t have to be a Princess at all. Jasmine also perpetuates the idea of the segregated Muslim woman who is kept apart from society. This is an old stereotype. The oppressed Muslim woman dates back to the late 18th century when English feminists argued that Western females were the most fortunate in the world, with specific reference to the barbaric treatment of women in the Orient (Andrea 274). Not only is Jasmine locked in her palace, she also has no say in her own affairs. In one scene, when Aladdin comes in disguise to court Princess Jasmine, he does not go to her but to her father. There, he, the Sultan and Jafar discuss her future. Of course Jasmine rebels against this and, as a Muslim woman who “understands” that she is being oppressed, she is placed above the few other women we see in the film.

Mulan represents Chinese women as an exotic Other. As a part of the Far East and Orient, Mulan also exists as an oppressed woman in a patriarchal society. She is portrayed as a girl who is searching for herself as she complies with a traditional arranged marriage due to her misogynist culture. Unlike Jasmine, Mulan is perfectly willing to have an arranged marriage if it will, stereotypically, bring honour to her family. This relates back to 18th century English feminist ideas of ‘natural’ and ‘unnatural’ slavery in relation to women being confined to domesticity. For them, English women were unnatural slaves who were forced to suffer exclusion from the public sphere. Eastern women, on the other hand, were born slaves and so they could mindlessly exist under oppression (Andrea 282). In this way, Mulan is a naturally obedient slave because of her race and culture.

A decade after these films, Disney corrects its use of stereotype and exoticism in The Princess And The Frog. There are three historical stereotypes that they defy. The first is the Mammy, a mother and obese African-American female originating from depictions of slave women (West 459). Tiana is far from motherly and obese. Instead she works hard for herself and is physically fit. The second stereotype also originates from the time of slavery. That is the Jezebel, a dangerously sexual African-American female (West 462). Tiana defies this as well. Although she is young and beautiful, Tiana is not oversexed. She is normal: desirable but not so much that it clouds her character development. This third and final stereotype is Sapphire, the angry young African-American female (West 461). Tiana is not angry. In fact she is, for the most part, very optimistic. Even as a frog she remains steadfast and hopeful, choosing to push forward rather than get upset.

Arranged marriages are another aspect of Disney’s manufactured “coloured culture” that is treated as regressive. The institution of arranged marriage is often considered foreign, exotic and backward in the Western world. It is presented in a binary of the West and the East. In the West, love marriages are seen as modern, based on individual choice and emotional. On the other hand, arranged marriages are seen as traditional, forced and purely social in motive (Khandelwal 2). Disney does not defy this. In Pocahontas, Aladdin, and Mulan, Disney teaches young girls of colour that their culture, according to tradition, will want them to marry according to status and society. Pocahontas, Jasmine and Mulan are each victims of this. Each girl must marry by a certain age despite her own personal interests. In this way, the institution of arranged marriage is portrayed as foreign, forced and regressive. As a result, each Princess does her best to escape or defy it in order to be happy.

In Pocahontas, the Princess’ father tells her that she will marry Kocoum. When she protests he explains to her that she must “join her people,” insinuating that marrying Kocoum will authenticate her as a Native. He also explains that Kocoum will offer her status and security, insinuating that the arranged marriage is social and devoid of emotion. In the following scene, a musical number on the river, Pocahontas conveys her wish to “choose [her] own path.” In the song’s lyrics, Pocahontas longs to be free and continue dreaming. In two specific lines she declares that having an arranged marriage and hoping for change cannot be synonymous: “Should I marry Kocoum? Is all my dreaming at an end?” This line also implies that Pocahontas’ culture is fixed and timeless. Once she joins her people she will not be able to enact change. Instead she will just be another Native wife.

In Aladdin, Jasmine must marry a royal suitor in order to maintain the social hierarchy. Her father tells her that the law declares that she must marry by her sixteenth birthday. In turn, Jasmine takes a small white bird, a metaphor for herself, out of a cage and says, “I hate being forced into this.” The sultan then takes the bird from her and explains that he wants her to marry for her own security and puts the bird back in its cage. Jasmine declares that she has never lived; “[she’s] never even been “outside the palace walls.” Instead of living in luxury, Jasmine prefers to experience life and “marry for love” rather than society. Then, in stereotypical misogynist fashion, the Sultan yells, “Allah forbid you should have any daughters!” and storms off. Jasmine then frees all the metaphorical white birds to convey her longing. Like the other Disney Princesses of color, Jasmine is trapped by a misogynist culture that literally forces her into an arranged marriage.

Mulan must marry any man the matchmaker chooses for her. However, unlike the aforementioned two Princesses, she is neither for nor against having her marriage arranged. As a natural slave of a patriarchal culture, Mulan completes all her duties obediently, including chores and being made up for marriage. However, Mulan is not marriageable. She crosses the gender boundaries between the feminine and the masculine and, until she can realize one gender within herself she will not be able to marry and thus honor her family. As the matchmaker says, “You may look like a bride but you will never bring your family honor,” signifying that she is a female but not a woman. It is not until Mulan can purge herself of the masculine gender by performing as a man that she becomes truly feminine at the end of film and marry her love interest.

In The Princess And The Frog, Tiana is not a victim of an arranged marriage. Her parents advocate her finding a Prince that she may fall in love with and then marry. This is because, in my opinion, she is a modern American. The three other Disney Princesses of color existed in foreign nations during the 19th century or earlier. Tiana is a 1930s American and, as such, is too modern for the antiquated institution of arranged marriage.

In order to naturalize cultural gender roles, Disney utilizes the film’s background. Everyone seemingly unimportant acts as an ethnographic slice of life within the diagesis that defies the change brought about by the film’s main characters. Each foregrounded story is just an unimportant detail of history that, for a short time, stands out amongst the menial everyday background. It is in this background that the film gains its authenticity and the female viewer of color is taught her place.
In Pocahontas, the females of color are barely present but when they appear they are acting out specific social roles. In fact, there are only three females of color of note in the entire film: Pocahontas, Nakoma and an unnamed female that appears in a musical number.

Nakoma, Pocahontas’ best friend, acts as a representative of the Native women in the film, of which Pocahontas is not part. She is constantly opposing Pocahontas and encouraging her to submit to her culture. At one point she even says to Pocahontas, “You’re turning your back on your own people!” When the village acts in a certain way, so does she. For instance, when a crowd of nameless Natives cheers for Kocoum’s victories, Nakoma joins in while Pocahontas just smiles. After this Nakoma only appears when she is carrying out her duties. For example, she speaks to Pocahontas when they are picking corn, which only the women do. The viewer is forced to dis-identify with Nakoma as well. She is portrayed as weak because she does not help Pocahontas, instead choosing to abide by the culture’s traditions. Once Nakoma sees the repercussions of her complacent actions, that is Kocoum’s death, and helps Pocahontas, she is redeemed.

The unnamed female in Pocahontas is on screen for no more than one second. She appears during a short shamanistic ritual performed by the Natives to contact spirits and predict the future. Upon seeing wolves attacking villagers she becomes terrified and hides on her husband’s shoulder. It is a simple gesture that naturalizes the role of women as weak and domestic. She cannot handle visions of war; instead she should continue harvesting corn.

Like the unnamed female in Pocahontas, the background females of Aladdin only appear for a short time and reinforce cultural and gender stereotypes. The first females to appear are lower class women doing chores. One of these women is inside the home looking out and two do laundry outside. The three portray women as naturally happy and domestic. They also laugh at Aladdin stealing bread, considering it perfectly normal. This perpetuates the stereotype of the Islamic world that is declared in the film’s opening song, Arabian Nights, “It’s barbaric but hey, it’s home.”

Except for two women doing laundry, no woman other than Jasmine are ever seen outside the home. In fact, when Jasmine journeys outside of the palace, specifically into the marketplace, there are only men. The outside is a man’s world in Disney’s Islamic world.

Inside, Aladdin sees exotic harem girls who all look alike except for their variously colored veils. The veil is, of course, the symbol of cultural identity. These women are submissive, sexual and silly Muslim women as outlined by Orientalism. As Edward Said puts it, “women are usually the creatures of a male-power fantasy. They express unlimited sensuality… are more of less stupid and above all… willing” (Said 207). The girls dance and sing to two songs in the film and then they disappear. Accompanying them is an older woman who is sexless and disgruntled. She is larger than Aladdin and the guards and her only action is to kick the former out of her home. In this way she is portrayed as, by popular standards, unfeminine and undesirable: an ugly woman. Another female in the film looks like her. She appears in the same song, “One Jump Ahead.” This female appears when she scoops Aladdin up and declares that he is “rather tasty,” implying sexual desire. She, being obese and also larger than the guards, is treated as comic relief. She is deemed so ugly that Aladdin literally leaps out of her arms and into the guards in order to escape her.

There are many more females in Mulan that the aforementioned films. However, instead of portraying them as diverse, all the females are presented as stereotypically obedient and superstitious women who conform to their gendered roles. These include Mulan’s mother, grandmother, the matchmaker and numerous young homogenous females.

Mulan’s mother and grandmother are the first to appear. Like Nakoma, Mulan’s mother is the voice of the society. She scolds Mulan for being late to her matchmaker’s appointment and joins other Chinese women in a musical number called “You’ll Bring Honor To Us All.” The song describes the Chinese female’s place in society: she must be a beautiful, graceful and domestic wife in order to bring the greatest honor that a female can to her family. After this song, the mother’s role practically vanishes. She does not speak again. Instead, she only emotes sadness and quiet happiness. Mulan’s mother is docile, domestic and powerless. She has no agency. She is the model female of colour within the stereotypical Oriental society.

Mulan’s grandmother is much more lively. She speaks and acts freely amidst the other characters regardless of her social role as a female. However, she also works to maintain tradition. The grandmother is only interested in two things: Mulan’s marriage and Mulan’s survival. She aids with Mulan’s marriage in the beginning of the film with the aforementioned song and then at the end when she meets the love interest and yells, “Would you like to stay forever?” She also conforms to the stereotype of the superstitious Chinese person. The grandmother puts all her faith and even her life into the hands of a “lucky” cricket that she gives it to Mulan, relying on its luck in finding a good husband. The grandmother then completes her stereotype as a superstitious Chinese person when she turns to the family ancestors for help in protecting Mulan instead of finding some active way to help and protect her.

The third speaking female in Mulan is the matchmaker. She is strict, demanding and holds an important position in the society. Unfortunately, Disney makes it clear that the matchmaker is not a woman. In her scene the matchmaker is portrayed as a male. She mimics a potential husband and even unintentionally draws a beard on her face. In addition to this, the matchmaker is ugly: large and obese like the females of Aladdin’s “One Jump Ahead,” she seems unwomanly and therefore antagonistic.

The other females of Mulan are young and beautiful. These females comply with their social roles and, in their numbers, naturalize the position of females in the Chinese society as wives and harvesters. They are seen twice in the film. The first time is in a line waiting to be match made. The second time they are harvesting rice in rural China, reminiscent of the Native females in Pocahontas.
The background females in The Princess And The Frog are not feminist either. These females are Tiana’s mother, Mama Odie and nameless females, young and old, which occupy public spaces.

Tiana’s mother is a widowed working class female. She is a seamstress who supports all of her daughter’s dreams to own her own restaurant one day. However, she, like Mulan’s mother and grandmother, tries to push Tiana toward becoming a wife. In one scene, when Tiana talks about her restaurant, her mother says “… All I want for you, sweetheart. To meet your Prince Charming and dance off to your happily ever after.”
Mama Odie is just like Mulan’s grandmother. She is lively and spunky, but she when she helps Tiana it is to push her toward getting married. She sings to her “You know what you want but not what you need,” implying that what she wants may be a restaurant, but what she needs is love.

The other females of colour in the film are diverse. Some of them are young and some are old. They don’t say much and they only fill in the background except for one group. Tiana has a few friends of colour that include girls. These girls come in for a short time to emphasize how much Tiana works. They invite her out to go dancing one night and are turned down. After revealing Tiana’s workaholic characteristic the females leave to spot the film’s background.

From the side characters to the Princesses, no Disney females of colour dreams of a life beyond the working class. Unlike Snow White and Ariel, who long for a prince, or Cinderella, who wishes to escape her domestic life and join the upper class at a ball, the Disney Princesses of colour are either content in the working class or desire it. This teaches little girls of colour to be happy in their working class position and not to defy it: they wouldn’t be happy anywhere else.

Pocahontas is the daughter of a chieftain and therefore holds a Princess position in her society. However, Pocahontas lives in an egalitarian society. While she is technically nobility, she labours with the rest of the women in the film. Pocahontas does not desire more in society. Her people go outside, battle and conquer other Natives but she remains unimpressed. Furthermore, Pocahontas cannot even understand the desire for more. When John Smith tries to explain it to her she is baffled. As a noble primitive, Pocahontas is beyond ambition and remains content with her timeless working position in life.

Jasmine is also a Princess but lives in a hierarchical society. She does not work or do anything for herself in the film. She lives in opulence in a palace reminiscent of the Taj Mahal, surrounded by a rich garden and exotic animals. Despite this, Jasmine is not content. She craves a working class life so that she may be free of the duties of nobility, a problem that Caucasian Disney Princesses never had. Even when she is on top of the social hierarchy, the female of colour desires mediocrity. Her position as a part of the middle class is naturalized.
Mulan is never an actual Princess, though she is marketed as one. She begins as a farmer’s daughter, becomes a soldier and then returns to her original position. She has no ambition in life but to bring honor to her family by maintaining the status quo. Through out the film, Mulan proves that she is capable of much more than her feminine gendered role. She fights as well, if not better, than the males in her regiment and even saves her general and the Emperor when she defeats the most feared Hun in China. However, when the Emperor offers her a position in his council she declines and says, “I think I’ve been away from home for far too long.” She then returns to her family and the film ends with the implication that her love interest will propose marriage to her. What Mulan teaches little girls is that they can do anything they put their mind to, but afterward they will realize that their rightful place is at home.

Despite defying stereotypes and omitting the subject of arranged marriage, The Princess And The Frog perpetuates the naturalization of females of colour in the working class. Tiana does dream of a higher position in society, but her dreams end at owning and running a restaurant. She is even willing to give up her dream to live as a frog when she saves Prince Naveen from a loveless marriage. She declares that she’d rather live as a frog and have her prince than accomplish her working class dream. Even when she marries Prince Naveen and turns into a human again, Tiana does not live in a castle like other Disney Princesses. Her dreams end with the working class. Wealth, even that gained through hard work and being at the bottom of the upper class, is beyond her.

All the Disney Princesses of colour have abilities at their disposal. Unfortunately, the Princesses never use their abilities when it is important. They may be capable, but they are still powerless as females. The only time these females use their abilities is when they are working for the men in their lives. This is reminiscent of females of colour in Colonial travelogues and reports whose identities are created in relation to men (Green 704). They can be good, bad, exotic or innocent but each female of colour has her identity decided by the men around her. For instance, does she aid the man or seduce him? Does she adhere to her social role or defy it?

If she chose sides, Pocahontas would be a great ally. She is incredibly athletic, stealthy and graceful. She climbs trees, jumps off waterfalls, rows through rapids and runs great distances. She is also contemplative and knowledgeable of her surroundings. However, Pocahontas only uses these abilities to play or help John Smith. She steers rapids during musical numbers, climbs trees when ignoring John Smith and jumps off waterfalls as an alternative to climbing down. When the situation calls for action Pocahontas is powerless. When Kocoum attacks John Smith, Pocahontas can’t even pull them apart. When John Smith is taken hostage she needs Nakoma’s help to see him. In the end, when Pocahontas “saves” the day, it is anticlimactic. After spending the entire film trying to understand her dreams she finally realizes what she must do to end the tensions around her. She runs and runs and then, when she reaches her destination, all she does is throw herself between her father’s club and John Smith’s head. All Pocahontas has realized is that she must save the man she loves, who ends up getting shot anyway when he saves her father. The one who truly ends the tension is the side character Thomas who forces the colonist Ratcliffe to leave the Natives’ land after he has unintentionally shot John Smith.

Like Pocahontas, Jasmine is also quite capable, but only when it is unimportant. She can escape the palace, pole vault across roofs and manipulate men using her sexuality. When she escapes the palace it is so that she can be free of the burden of wealth. Later she gives up that freedom by revealing herself as Princess and commanding the royal guards to free Aladdin, making her feat useless. She doesn’t even save Aladdin when she reveals herself. The guards tell her that the order to arrest him was decreed by Jafar, the Sultan’s vizier. Her abilities are likewise nullified later in the film when she attempts to seduce Jafar to distract him from Aladdin’s presence. Her seduction is futile: Jafar sees Aladdin and traps Jasmine in an hourglass. Instead of saving Aladdin she becomes a typical damsel in distress. When Jasmine does successfully utilize her abilities there is no point. She pole vaults across a roof when she is with Aladdin but its only result is to impress him. She also seduces Aladdin for a short time when he is disguised as Prince Ali, but then it is only to reject his advances toward her. In the end, Jasmine has less agency than Pocahontas.

Mulan is amazingly capable. She does her chores, kung fu and archery. She is graceful and strategically brilliant. Unfortunately, like the other two, all of her actions are either useless or aid men. Mulan’s first action is to find a husband. This is entirely for her family, specifically for her father. She even says this in the song “You’ll Bring Honor To Us All” when she asks her ancestors to aid her and “Keep [her] father standing tall!” When she bravely goes off to war, Mulan is still acting for her father. Everything she does is for him or her love interest, the General.

During the film’s decisive battle, Mulan proves that she is also capable in the military. She defies her orders in order to shoot a bomb into the mountains, causing an avalanche that will wipe out the enemy army. The move seems to defeat the Huns and the army celebrates Mulan but the avalanche did not kill the Huns. It almost killed Mulan’s army, making the move nearly useless. In the process of “winning” the battle, Mulan also reveals herself as a woman. Her action then becomes completely useless as she is dishonoured and expelled from the army. Then, in the final battle, Mulan proves herself as an innovative warrior by defeating the Huns’ leader using only a fan and fireworks. However, she has done this for the Emperor, not herself. None of her actions are actually for herself or for her own advancement. In fact, when she is finally given a reward for her bravery, a medal and the Hun leader’s sword, Mulan returns home and gives it to her father. She, like the other Princesses of colour, can only act for the men in their lives.

Like the other Princesses of colour, Tiana is very capable. She works two jobs, cooks and survives living as a frog despite being hunted by crocodiles, humans and voodoo shadows. Tiana is also like the other Princesses in that she acts for the men in her life. She works two jobs and cooks in order to realize her father’s dream of opening a restaurant. Tiana reveals this throughout the movie, constantly repeating that she must buy her restaurant in order to fulfill “daddy’s dream” and make sure his hard work begets something.

Like Mulan, Tiana does defeat the villain, Facilier. Once again, she does this for the Prince who has helped her realize that her restaurant is what she wants, not what she needs. What Tiana needs is love. Her triumph over Facilier is further diminished by the fact that he was not even a threat to her. Facilier did not try to kill her, he tried to bribe her with wealth. In comparison, the uneducated, comical humans hunting for frogs’ legs were a greater threat. Furthermore, while Tiana does defeat Facilier, she doesn’t get rid of him like Mulan does. The voodoo shadows that he utilized are the ones that end Facilier’s life; Tiana just ruins his evil plans by breaking a little talisman.

Disney’s Princesses of colour are not perfect. They teach little girls of colour that they are exotic, oppressed, domestic, part of the working class and powerless. Fortunately, as time goes by and feminism becomes more widespread, the Disney Princesses, coloured or Caucasian, become more independent and positive. This is proven by the marked differences between Pocahontas, Aladdin, Mulan and The Princess And The Frog. Even the older Disney’s Princesses of Colour give little girls of colour one positive message: always be active. Even if it is your irrefutable destiny to be an oppressed domestic wife in a patriarchal society you must remain active. The Princesses of colour may not have used their abilities for self-advancement and they may have happily returned to domesticity but they each proved themselves capable and determined toward their goals: a hopeful message that little girls of colour can learn from and expand toward a more feminist reality and a more feminist Disney Princess.

Works Cited

Aladdin. Dir. Ron Clements and John Musker. Walt Disney Pictures, 1992. Film.

Andrea, Bernadette, “Islam, Women, and Western Responses: The
Contemporary Relevance of Early Modern Investigations', Women's Studies, 38: 3, 273 — 292

Green, Rayna. "The Pocahontas Perplex: The Image of Indian Women in American Culture." The Massachusetts Review 16.4 (1975): 698-714. JSTOR. Web.

Hurley, Dorothy L. "Seeing White: Children of Color and the Disney Fairy Tale Princess." The Journal of Negro Education 74.3 (2005): 221-32. JSTOR. Web.

Khandelwal, Meena. "Arranging Love: Interrogating the Vantage Point in Cross-Border Feminism." Signs: Journal of Women in Culture and Society 354.3 (2009). Chicago Journals. Web.

Mulan. Dir. Tony Bancroft and Barry Cook. Walt Disney Pictures, 1998. Film.

Pinn, Irmgard. "From Exotic Harem Beauty To Islamic Fundamentalist. Women In Islam." The Islamic World and the West An Introduction to Political Cultures and International Relations (Social, Economic and Political Studies of the Middle East and Asia). Ed.

Kai Hafez and Mary Ann Kenny. New York: Brill Academic, 2000. 57-60. Print.

Pocahontas. Dir. Mike Gabriel and Eric Goldberg. Walt Disney Pictures, 1995. Film.

The Princess and the Frog. Dir. Ron Clements and John Musker. Walt Disney Pictures, 2009. Film.

Said, Edward W. Orientalism. New York: Vintage, 1979. Print.

West, Carolyn M. "Mammy, Sapphire, and Jezebel: Historical images of Black women and their implications for psychotherapy." Psychotherapy 32.3 (1995): 458-66. www.drcarolynwest.com. Web. .

=)

2010-02-18T00:40:00.001-08:00

That's the end of my script. Hope you enjoyed! ^_^

End of credits?

2010-02-18T00:37:00.000-08:00

Town square with Rose, Crantz, Guild and Stern.

Rose: Why, hello there! I wonder if you could assist us?

Guild: Good day to you, sir. And who might you be?

Crantz: Our names are Rose and Crantz.

Rose: Therefore that is we. Quite logically.

Crantz: Quite.

Guild: Are you Rose and Crantz though, or are you someone else? How are you to tell for self-assurance is not enough, it will abandon you when you are alone.

Rose: Why, our mothers named us as such, so we must be.

Stern: But do mothers govern our beings?

Crantz: What a difficult question, it does not seem to lie within the realm of logic.

Rose: Yes, quite philosophical.

Crantz: Quite.

Guild: Truly if it is not logical then it must be philosophical.

Stern: Truly.

Crantz: And therefore logically illogical!

Rose: And so... not in our jurisdiction

Crantz: ... not in our jurisdiction.

Stern: But to the prior question, what can we assist you with? If indeed one man may truly assist another.

Guild: Truly a provocative question, Stern.

Stern: Truly, Guild, truly.

Rose: Yes, well we were wondering where the Southern Rock Taven is. My companion convincingly stated it must be south.

Guild: Truly logical.

Stern: Truly.

Guild: But who are we to know what is south? Is not south relative?

Crantz: To all other directions, logically.

Rose: Quite logically.

Stern: Where is south? Are you south of me? Or are you west?

Crantz: Why, south is opposite of where a compass points.

Guild: Ah, but is the compass broken? Who invented the compass and how is he to know what is South is? Your 'south' may be my 'north'.

Rose: If we speak different languages, surely.

Stern: Do we not all speak a language of our own? For our connotations and dialects are all each unique.

Crantz: But it is quite illogical that we may learn another language than that which we are taught.

Rose: Quite.

Stern: How does human learning work? Who are we to say?

Guild: Ah, yes. And truly, who are we to ask?

Stern: Truly.

Rose: Why should one ask anything if it will never be answered? It's quite illogical!

Crantz: Quite! And so we return to the criminal dilemma. Oh, look Rose, the Southern Rock Tavern.

Rose: Quite right, Crantz. We shall be seeing you then, good friends.

Guild: We may only hope to see each other again.

Stern: And by hoping perhaps it shall come true.

Rose: How truly philosophical.

Crantz: Truly. And therefore... not in our jurisdiction.

Rose: ... not in our jurisdiction.

End.

Scene XXXVI – On The Road

2010-02-18T00:28:00.000-08:00

The four are on the road at the back of a wagon, looking at the city as they are driven away.

Rani: It’s a shame.

Eury: What’s that?

Rani: I would’ve liked her as my Queen.

Nisus: She does seem surprisingly capable.

Night: We’ll be fine – we’re rich!

Nisus: We did make quite a bit.

Rani: And you still owe me money. (she holds her hand out)

Night: (taking her hand in his) Oh, that. That doesn’t matter – we’re getting married.

Rani: Who’s getting married? I don’t understand the motives behind this marriage other than a cancellation of debt.

Night: Love?

Rani: I don’t love you. And you don’t love me.

Nisus: She has a point.

Eury: I beg to differ: he does love her. I can attest to that.

Night: And she loves me, she just doesn’t realize it yet.

Rani: How can you tell?

Night: What?

Rani: That you love someone?

Eury: Why, that’s easy. You always want to be with them.

Rani: We have yet to separate since meeting.

Nisus: You feel funny around them.

Rani: Well that certainly happens.

Night: You see?

Rani: But I thought it was just utter loathing.

Night: You hurt me. You really do.

Rani: (thinking) Maybe just indigestion…?

Night: (he kisses her) And now?

Rani: Well that’s not a very good cure for indigestion… also how dare you! Stop doing that!

Eury: No, dear: did you feel anything?

Rani: Well… yes.

Nisus: Then you do have some feelings for him.

Rani: And you’re quite sure it isn’t utter loathing?

Nisus: Well only you can really be sure.

Night: Well there, you see? We’ll marry then.

Rani: We will? No, we won’t!

Night: Why not! You have no reason not to!

Rani: I certainly do! I have no idea what suitors await me out there!

Night: This is ridiculous.

Nisus: Are you afraid of a little competition, Sir Night? (he takes Rani’s other hand and kisses it)

Night: Stop that.

Eury: Indeed – do! (he takes their hands apart)

Rani: What do you take me for! Kissing and touching! Is your hand still there? (he removes it, upset) Haven’t I a word in any of my own affairs? (She jumps off the wagon) Farewell the three of you!

Eury: Your bride is running away.

Nisus: You had better go after her if you want to live it down.

(Night jumps off the wagon and follows her)

Rani: What do you want?

Night: You forgot your damned money. (He throws a purse at her)

Rani: I don’t want your money. I have quite enough.

Night: Right then, what do you want from me? (he picks up the purse)

Rani: (stops to think) And apology.

Night: “Apology”! For what!

Rani: Wasting my time.

Night: Your time? What about mine! Anyway that purse you have is enough compensation.

Rani: This? Hardly – perhaps my chest of gold though. Oh! I left it on the wagon!

Night: (he holds on to her) Yes, mine is there too. We’ll get them in a minute.

Rani: Well, I’m sure I don’t know what you want me to say.

Night: (sighs) Nothing, I suppose. (he turns and walks toward where the wagon was) Blast! (he runs off)

Rani: What? What is it?

Night: They’re gone! The bastards have stolen our share!

Rani: No! (She runs forward then stops, defeated. A pause.) I’ll have that purse now.

Night: Like Hell you will. (he walks)

Rani: Where are you going?

Night: After my money, of course.

Rani: Um…

Night: Yes?

Rani: I’m scared.

Night: You thrive on fear.

Rani: Don’t joke! It gets dark in the forest… and I’m such a pretty girl, you know. (A pause) Aren’t you going to invite me to come with you!

Night: I suppose I couldn’t have found them without you the first time around. (She gets excited and hugs him) Rani?

Rani: Mm?

Night: You can let go now… you’re hurting me…

Rani: Oh! Sorry. (she stops, arms still around him)

Night: Maybe just a little longer (she hugs him again then jumps off)

Rani: You!

Night: What?

Rani: You do want to rape me!

Night: Well, I wouldn’t say “rape”… (a look of horror) Oh, don’t get like that! I was joking!

Rani: Five feet.

Night: Right. (he backs off)

Credits roll

Scene XXXV – Inside the castle corridors

2010-02-18T00:23:00.000-08:00

Rani holds onto Nisus as a shield from Night

Rani: I’ve never been inside the castle before… it’s so big and… stony…

Night: You have been inside before.

Rani: The corridors of the dungeon do not count!

Night: It’s the same thing!

Nisus: (ignoring them) We are to wait for the King and his advisor in here. (they enter a room)

Rani: (gasps) So beautiful!

Nisus: Indeed, this is the advisor’s study.

(They sit for a while. Rani pulls two bags of gold from her pocket and begins counting)

Night: (suspiciously) What’s that?

Rani: (looking up) Money? (turning around in her chair) My money.

Night: Yes, well I knew that didn’t I? Where did you get if from!

Rani: Miss Viera and Sir Eury, if you must know. Well don’t look at me like that; I didn’t steal it! Of course you would think so. They paid me.

Night: For what?

Rani: Well, Sir Eury paid me to take you to his mansion,,, and Miss Viera to take you away from the city.

Nisus: How intriguing. Do elaborate.

Rani: Certainly. Sir Eury wanted Sir Night – that much is obvious. As for Miss Viera, she works for the crown. It seems that she was to keep watch on Sir Eury but when she learned that he would kidnap Princess Priti she had to take care of her as well.

Night: What does that have to do with me?

Rani: Oh yes, you. Well, after the wedding you are to be exiled for treason.

Night: What!

Rani: Well you were seducing the Princess, weren’t you?

Night: I –

Nisus: She’s right.

Night: So I am to be exiled? After all I have done for this Kingdom!

Rani: Oh – you’re upset. I’m sorry.

Night: (he rises) Of course I’m upset! Exiled! Well, what of it! Good that the crown knows of the Princess and I – it only makes this much easier!

Rani: And you’re not angry at me?

Night: No… no, of course not. I can appreciate your motives.

Rani: That’s a relief because you still owe me money. Anger would just make it awkward.

(The King and advisor enter; the three rise and sit back down. The King sits down at the front of the room)

Advisor: It is good to see you return, Sir Nisus, Sir Night. I presume this is about your report?

Night: In Nisus’ case, certainly…

King: I sense his Muslim knavery!

Night: Indeed. I am here to discuss the Princess.

Advisor: Discuss.

Night: You are well aware of our brief affair.

King: Ahem!

Night: Yes, I admit it! The entire castle knew of it! Well, you see, your Highness… she broke my heart. (They all laugh) Well!

Advisor: Spare us.

Rani: Indeed! You have no heart so why bother?

Night: I do have a heart, Rani…

Nisus: What he means to say, your Majesty, is that the Princess has clearly been compromised.

Night: Yes- of course! And if you don’t wish us to ruin the wedding, your reputation and your treaty with Prince Azul’s kingdom, you’ll compensate us.

Advisor: Ha! What’s to stop me from having Sir Nisus kill you on the spot?

Night: Well, we have another heartbroken soul in the church pews just waiting to release his anguish and tarnish the Princess’ purity.

Rani: What’s this ‘we’ business? Am I involved in this?

Night: Well, of course, as my fiancée –

Rani: Whaat?

King: (rising) You come on the day of my daughter’s wedding…. To blackmail me!

Night: Well… yes.

Rani: (rising as well) And implicating me! And trying to marry me to escape your debt!

Night: Hardly – I’ll soon have more than enough money to pay you.

Rani: Now I’m confused.

Advisor: Sir Nisus. Kill him and the accomplices.

Nisus: I’m afraid I cannot do that, Sir…

King: What! Have you been converted?

Nisus: No, Sire. It’s just that… despite Sir Night’s attempt to save my reputation, I am also an accomplice. I have witnessed your daughters shameful behaviour with the two men in question.

Advisor: I see.

Night: Perhaps we can skip all the chatter and discuss sums? That is, if you don’t want Prince Azul’s father to find out about your family.

Advisor: You realize you will no longer be held as Knights nor will you welcome in this Kingdom!

Night: I apparently wasn’t anyway.

Rani: Now, see here! I defy my culpability!

Night: You’ll be arrested for breaking into the castle anyway.

Rani: I demand my share of gold!

Advisor: (sighs) Of course you do. Let’s go over the details.

King: God damned Muslims.

End Scene

Scene XXXIV - the front gate of the castle

2010-02-18T00:19:00.000-08:00

Eury: Good day to you, Rose n Crantz.

Rose: Eury! How nice to see you again! Surely you're not here for the wedding?

Crantz: He couldn't be. He's outlawed.

Eury: Why, of course. As returning here would mean certain doom, it would only be illogical for Eury to do so.

Rose: Quite illogical. Therefore Eury could not have returned.

Crantz: But you are here.

Eury: Ah, but who are we to say I am Eury? It is an assumption of my very existence.

Rose: Quite right, quite right. How philosophical of you.

Crantz: And so it is philisophical. And therefore... not in our jurisdiction.

Rose: not in our jurisdiction.

Eury: I'll be going forward then. (he enters the gate)

A pause.

Crantz: Rose.

Rose: Yes, Crantz?

Crantz: Criminals commit crimes although it is illogical.

Rose: Yes, Crantz, we had established that.

Crantz: So then, logically, if we use the criminal as a parallel of Eury, he certainly could have returned, and in such committed a crime, although it is illogical.

Rose: Quite right, Crantz, yes.

Crantz: So we should stop him from going any further, should we not?

Another pause.

Rose: Ah, but a criminal is just a person until proven guilty.

Crantz: How true, yes, quite true.

Rose: And therefore that man is only Eury once proven. It's only logical, my dear fellow.

Crantz: Ah, yes. Quite right, Rose, quite right.

They resume their positions. A pause.

Rose: It was quite nice seeing Eury again, though.

Crantz: Oh, yes indeed, Rose.

End Scene

Scene XXXIII – The next morning, downstairs

2010-02-18T00:14:00.000-08:00

Nisus: will you come back with us, Sir Eury?

Eury: Oh, I really couldn’t I’ve been banished. Anyway there’s nothing left for me there.

Nisus: Perhaps I could retract my accusation against you all those years ago?

Eury: Don’t be ridiculous, Sir Nisus. You’d lose credibility. And look at my life here! I have more than any Knight.

Nisus: Indeed, Sir Eury. I only hoped – well, perhaps you’d permit me to visit you from time to time?

Eury: (He smiles) I’d enjoy that.

(Upstairs in Night’s room; Rani screams)

Rani: My purity! (she kicks Night repeatedly, trying to get him out of the bed)

Night: (grabbing his wound) Ow! Stop that!

Rani: How dare you! What what did you do to me!

Night: Well… first I got you drunk on wine (she gasps) then I stripped you naked (she pulls the covers over her self, fully clothed) and… well you know the age old story. (she screams) Oh, do shut up!

Rani: (she bawls) Did you reeally?

Night: Of course not! You’re perfectly fine. You crawled into my bed last night. (he rubs his eyes)

Rani: (inconsolable) I – I don’t believe you!

Night: Of course you don’t.

(Nisus and Eury enter)

Eury: What’s happened?

Rani: (bawling again) This is a house of SIN!

Nisus: (chuckling) Well done, Sir Night.

Night: (rising) How late is it? We must hurry to Princess Priti!

Eury: I suppose I shall prepare a carriage

Nisus: But what good will it do?

Night: Much good. I have a plan – but Sir Eury, I could use your help.

Eury: Mine?

Night: Yes. We are going to see the King – about his daughter’s behaviour.

Nisus: I see.

Eury: Yes, perhaps she might still be profitable. (he and Nisus leave)

Night: (pulling her out of bed) Come on now, we have to hurry!

Rani: (sniffling) I don’t wanna.

Night: Too bad… Look, I honestly, on my Knight’s honor, did nothing to you last night. (he kisses her) Now let’s go. (She is shocked for a moment then starts bawling again) Oh for God’s sake here I am dragging you along again! (He pushes her through the door)

End Scene

Scene XXXII – Rani’s room

2010-02-18T00:01:00.000-08:00

Night, who had fallen asleep, wakes up, crosses to Rani’s bed and feels her breath etc.)

Night: Rani? (he shakes her)

Rani: Mmm…?

Night: Thank God.

Rani: So tired.. (she shoos him away)

Night: (looking at her, leans forward then pulls back) Oh, God dammit!

Rani: Shh, shh! Rani sleeps now.

(Eury enters)

Eury: Sir Night!

Night: Sir Eury?!

Eury: What are you doing here?

Night: What are you doing here? Or rather, what have you done to Rani?

Eury: Is she all right? I was coming to see her. (he crosses to the bed) She should be fine.

Night: You drugged her!

Eury: It was not meant for her.

Night: Me?

Eury: Of course you. By the time you woke up I would’ve been gone!

Night: (turning Eury to face him) Why? Why won’t you let me marry Priti!

Eury: You know very well why.

Night: (he softens) Yes.

Eury: (kissing him) Night…

Night: (leaning away) You know I don’t feel that way!

Eury: I know… now.

Night: It was just that one time in Knight School…

Rani: (complaining) … no straight Knights!

Night: I am straight!

Eury: (patronizing) Yes, of course you are.

Night: If I was gay then how could I be in love with (stopping himself) – Princess Priti!

Eury: (shocked) Wow. Really? We’re going with that then?

Night: Did you think otherwise!

Eury: Well – did you? Farewell, Sir Night… and good luck to you. (He leaves)

Rani: Bye bye, Sir Eury…

Night: Oh, do shut up. (he yawns)

(Night leaves. We follow him down the hall to his own bedroom where he turns off the lights and goes to sleep. A few minutes pass; Nisus enters and sits down on the bed.)

Nisus: Sir Eury, I – I let you think I was jealous of you when I saw you… and Sir Night. I wasn’t – it was Sir Night that I was jealous of. I love you, don’t you see? (He kisses Night)

Night: … Rani?

Nisus: “Rani”?

Night: (waking) Nisus?!

Nisus: Night! Eugh! (he gets up and starts coughing)

Night: Stop coughing you ass! How could you be choking when I had the tongue down my throat!

Nisus: I thought you were –

Night: Sir Eury is the next door down! Now leave me to sleep. Bastard. (he turns over)

Nisus: Sir Night, I’m terribly… terribly sorry.

Night: Yes, yes I know you are. Now go.

Nisus: (sitting on the bed) I- I won’t tell a soul about… you know, what you said… if you don’t.

Night: You’d better not it’s none of your business.

Nisus: (regaining his confidence) Of course I already knew.

Night: (he rises) Impossible! How could you know if I didn’t!

Nisus: Oh… because you’re an idiot.

Night: Oh yeah?

Nisus: (sarcastically) No.

(Eury enters)

Eury: Ah…

Nisus: Sir Eury! (he rises)

Eury: I thought you said…

Night: Oh don’t jump to conclusions. He came in here thinking I was you. Confessed his love and all.

Nisus: Bastard!

Eury: Ah… I wanted to inform your of the Princess’ departure.

Night: What?!

Eury: It seems he, Viera and Princess Priti are nowhere to be found. Alone with two of my horses.

Night: (he gets out of bed) We must find them!

Nisus: What difference does it make? We’ve lost! In any case she’s no longer the sought after object, is she, Sir Night?

Night: Of course she is!

Eury: Must we?

Night: I have to be rich, dammit! It’s all I’ve ever aspired to be!

Nisus: Yes, well, now you have a new aspiration.

Night: That requires wealth!

Nisus: Ah, he has a point.

(Rani enters)

Rani: You lot are so noisy! (She falls a bit, Eury catches her)

Night: You shouldn’t be out of bed!

Nisus: Right. Miss Rani, you should get some rest.

Rani: Well, I’m awake now (she falls again) ish. (she yawns) What were you talking about?

Eury: Viera, Princess Priti and Prince Azul have run away.

Rani: Oh. (she sits on the bed) That’s nice.

Night: “Nice”? What do you mean “nice”?

Rani: Well the two of you don’t deserve her, do you? (she closes her eyes)

Eury: I suppose not.

Rani: (she falls on the bed) And how happy could two gay Knight be married to a princess?

Night: I’m not gay!

Nisus: And we did accomplish our goal of bringing the Princess back to the castle – sort of.

Rani: You see, now everything is back to normal (she curls up under the covers). The Princess is marrying her original fiancée and (yawning) the three of you are reunited.

Eury: She’s right, Sir Night. Perhaps we should leave it here for the night – at least until we’re well rested. (he yawns) It’s late. Good night. (he leaves)

Nisus: Oh! Sir Eury, wait! I must speak with you (he goes out after him).

Night: (crossing to sit on the bed) Rani.

Rani: Mmm?

Night: (rubbing his eyes) What about our plan? And the money?

Rani: Oh, I have quite enough from Miss Viera and Sir Eury to get me through some time. (rising, eyes still closed) You still owe me though. Don’t think I’ve forgotten.

Night: From Viera and Eury? What? (he yawns) Oh, now I’m sleepy. (he lies down) Get out of my bed, you! (he tries to kick her out)

Rani: Wah! I’m too tired! (she kicks him)

Night: Your purity!

Rani: (Rising, eyes still closed again) My purity! I must get out! (she stretches out her arms)

Night: Oh, don’t bother (he pulls her back down and they fall asleep)

End Scene

Scene XXXI – Priti’s room

2010-02-17T23:59:00.000-08:00

She is reading. There is a knock at the door

Priti: Who is it?

Azul: >ahem< Me.

Priti: I do not know who “me” is.

Azul: I- It is Prince Azul.

Priti: It’s perfectly improper for you to be alone with me in my room.

Viera: That’s why he brought me along.

Priti: I see. Come in then (They enter) Yes?

Azul: Well – you see, I… it’s very difficult to say.

Priti: You’ve come here because you’re madly in love and want to marry me on the spot.

Azul: Not quite.

Priti: No?

(They sit down)

Azul: Well you are quite beautiful… and I certainly am attracted to you – especially after that display at the dinner table.

Priti: I see. Continue.

Azul: I come to propose that we marry each other, as originally planned. You see, I know politics and form but I do not have your iron fist. I believe we would complement each other quite nicely and that, perhaps, one day, we ma grow to love each other… immensely.

Priti: Prince Azul, you are quite eloquent when needs be.

Azul: (he takes her hand) I do hope you will accept.

Priti: (she softens) Of course. But there is the problem of my other two suitors.

Viera: I believe I may be of assistance there.

End Scene

Scene XXX – The staircase

2010-02-17T23:54:00.000-08:00

Night: (seeing Rani drudge up the stairs) Rani? Are you all right?

Rani: Oh, Sir Night. Yes, yes I’m fine. Just so… very (yawning) tired… (she falls asleep)

Night: (lifting her) Really you’re such a strange girl. (He piggy backs her up the stairs, limping then lays her down in a room) Rani? (no reply; he feels her breath, hesitates then feels her heartbeat) Are you sure you’re all right? (he shakes her; nothing; he goes across the room and sits down)

- Back at the staircase, Eury is walking up –

Nisus: (from offscreen) Eury!

Eury: Oh, yes. Sir Nisus – you wanted to speak with me?

Nisus: Yes… you see… I wanted to apologize.

Eury: Whatever for, Sir Nisus?

Nisus: (lowering his head) You know why, don’t you?

Eury: You were just doing what you thought right.

Nisus: (suddenly) No, Eury! I was jealous!

Eury: “Jealous”?

Nisus: Yes.

End Scene

Scene XXIX – Dinner

2010-02-13T23:02:00.000-08:00

An awkward silence. Guild enters with bowls of soup and serves them, Stern following behind.

Guild: And here is my special soup! Do enjoy!

Stern: And my biscuits!

(They leave)

Eury: Guild’n’Stern are my personal assistants. I really couldn’t live without them.

Viera: And wonderful chefs.

Rani: (tasting) Ah! I’ve never had anything so good in all my life!

Night: It really is quite good, don’t you think Sir –

Priti: (to Azul) You really do stare, don’t you!

Azul: (blushing) Ah – I’m terribly sorry.

Priti: (smiling) While I suppose I could forgive you this time around.

Rani: Oh, my.

Night: It’s as though he’s never seen a woman before in his life!

Nisus: I’m very sorry, Miss Rani.

Rani: Oh, it’s all right. It actually saves me a lot of trouble.

Night: In any case you’re – well, you’re… all right.

Rani: (to Nisus) He’s really trying though, isn’t he?

Nisus: Trying, certainly… ah, that reminds me. Sir Eury, if I could see you privately later on this evening…?

Eury: I don’t see why not.

(Another awkward silence)

Night: Really! How long are we going to do this!

Viera: Do what, Sir Night?

Night: You all know very well what I mean! This – charade!

Eury: Really, Sir Night. Such outbursts are not how I taught you to be a Knight.

Night: No, such outbursts are certainly not what you taught me.

Eury: If you’d like to have all out, Sir Night, then by all means have all out.

Rani: I sense tension.

Viera. (still eating) Well done, darling.

Night: (still looking at Eury) Princess Priti, you know he does not love you.

Priti: I do not. (A pause) Well, in any case what’s the difference?

Night: (turning now) “What’s the difference”?

Priti: Yes. (she rises) You don’t love me either, do you? And he at least has the brains to be able to carry out his plans, which makes him a much better Prince than you, which is better for the Kingdom. Yes, I have some sense. The lot of you enjoy me as a fool, do you not? Know this, both you and you, Eury. I’m done with this ‘charade’ as you call it. If one of you truly wishes to marry me – and that includes you, Prince Azul, know that you shall have no power as Prince or King. I fully intend to inherit and rule. You will simply act as a figure head and a gene pool. (she leaves)

Viera: (smiling) I wouldn’t mind her ruling me.

Rani: I’m suddenly very attracted to Princess Priti. (silence) Oh, it’s gone now.

Nisus: I’ve never known the Princess to be so –

Night: Indeed. Well, in any case it changes nothing!

Eury: You are incorrigible, Sir Night!

Night: Not incorrigible. Determined.

Azul: Stubborn.

Rani: Obsessed.

Nisus: Delusional.

Viera: “Delusional”?

Nisus: Why, yes. He’s obviously just displacing strong emotions for – well, nevermind.

Rani: Oh! I’m intrigued!

Eury: Indeed, do tell.

Night: (Gravely) Do.

Nisus: Oh for Heaven’s sake! It really is a trial to be sane! (He leaves)

Eury: He seems so upset

Guild: (peeping through) Oh, Miss Viera – if we could see you for a moment…

Viera: Yes, of course. (she leaves)

(Silence)

Eury: Well, Miss Rani. May I inquire what it is you do for a living?

Rani: Oh, you know… this and that (she yawns). Oh, it seems the journey was much more exhaustive than I thought!

Eury: Perhaps we should cut dinner short?

Rani: Oh, but I was so looking forward to dessert I don’t normally eat this well, you see.

Eury: Of course. I believe we are only having tea and crumpets tonight, though.

Rani: Oh! (she jumps up) I seem to be much too tired! I’m off! (she runs out)

Night: I’ll be going too then.

Eury: (sadly) Of course, Sir Night.

(Night leaves, Viera enters)

Viera: Sir Eury…. There’s been a slight problem with your plan.

Eury: What?

Viera: Well, it seems Guild put his “special” powder into Rani’s dish instead of Sir Night’s.

Eury: (rubbing his forehead) A head ache…

End Scene

Scene XXVIII – Eury’s mansion

2010-02-13T22:57:00.000-08:00

Priti: I’m not sure I like roses over orchids.

Viera: No roses, then. Have you chosen your dress?

Priti: Yes, I’d like the one with 0

Eury: (from offscreen) Viera!

Viera: (moving toward him) Yes, Eury?

Eury: I demand to know what you think you are doing?

Viera: Well, Eury, I am helping your fiancée plan your wedding.

Eury: You know that I don’t plan on going through with this marriage.

Viera: Certainly.

Eury: Then why are you humiliating the child? Are you jealous?

Viera: “Jealous”? Hardly, darling! It is not her I wish to humiliate.

Eury: Do not behave foolishly, Viera.

Viera: I must go assist Princess Priti now, Eury.

Eury: Indeed.

(She leaves, Guild’n’Stern enter)

Guild: Sir Eury! The parishioner has been notified and will be here tomorrow!

Eury: Contacting the parishioner took you three hours?

Stern: Yes, well, you see, Sir Eury, he’s very philosophical.

Guild: Metaphilosophical, even!

(They laugh)

Eury: (annoyed) What?

Stern: That’s quite a good play on words, Guild!

Guild: Why thank you, Stern!

Eury: Indeed. Listen, you two. I need you to go back and tell the parishioner not to come.

Stern: “Not to come”! Why, Sir Eury, have the two of you had a quarrel?

Eury: Hardly, Stern. I haven’t seen the girl all evening!

Stern: I don’t understand, Sir.

Eury: My dear boys, have you ever seen me in any way interested in such a creature as that?

Guild: Why no, Sir – but a man change.

Eury: Indeed: a man can change and as far as you’re concerned I have changed my position on this marriage.

Stern: Well, then I suppose we shall see you in another thee hours.

(They reluctantly leave; there is a knock at the door, Eury opens it)

Night: (tired) Where is she?

Eury: Now, really, would I tell you that?

Night: (pushing his way through) Princess Priti!

Eury: (to the rest) Won’t you come in?

Rani: (curtseying) Why, thank you.

(They enter)

Eury: Sir Nisus.

Nisus: Sir Eury…

Eury: We were just about o have dinner. Don’t worry, I’ve had your places set.

Azul: Then… you knew we were coming?

(Night reenters the room, dragging Priti by the arm)

Priti: Let go of me! Eury, help!

Night: We’ll be going now, thanks.

Rani: Oh, but dinner –

Night: Rani, let’s go! (He moves toward the door, Eury stops him)

Eury: Stay the night, Sir Night.

(They all chuckle, Night gets upset)

Eury: And… if you still feel the same tomorrow you may have Princess Priti without argument.

Priti: Eury!

Night: Deal! (They shake hands)

Viera: (entering) Dinner is served.

Rani: Oh!

Nisus: Shall we? (He holds his arm out for Rani, who takes it)

Rani: Oh – Prince Azul! (He has been staring at Priti) Prince?

Azul: (waking up) Ah, yes, of course!

(They leave)

End Scene

Scene XXVII – The forest

2010-02-13T22:50:00.000-08:00

Night and Rani are riding on the horse, the other two follow

Rani: Mmm, it’s so nice to rest!

Night: If you are so rested perhaps you’d let someone else ride?

Rani: Oh! (she dismounts) Who?

Nisus: (seeing Azul is tired) The Prince, I think, should wish to ride.

Azul: What? No! I’m not tired. (smiling proudly at Rani) Not at all!

Rani: I think perhaps you should rest, Prince Azul. You are royalty: it’s not proper for you to walk.

Azul: Ah, but I –

Night: Better to be resting now that to be tired on one’s wedding night, Prince Azul.

Azul: Ah – I see what you mean! (he mounts)

Nisus: That’s one way to look at it.

Rani: I feel violated. I knew I’d feel violated when this all began.

Azul: (yawning) It’s getting dark – will we arrive soon?

Nisus: Who knows?

Rani: Indeed, does anyone actually know where we’re going?

Night: would I take you somewhere without knowing where it was?

Nisus: I can believe you would.

Rani: Indeed, didn’t we begin this journey that way?

Azul: Where are we going then?

Night: It’s that mansion atop the hill there. The locals are very informative.

Rani: They know him?

Night: Well, apparently he’s the richest man here.

Rani: Rich! Oh, Sir Eury!

Night & Azul: Rani, I – (they stop and look at each other; Night turns away)

Azul: Rani, I think perhaps we should be formally engaged before we enter this man “Eury’s” mansion. (he comes off the horse and takes her hand) Come with me, please. (they go into the wood)

Night: I don’t trust them.

Nisus: What could they possibly do? Listen, when we go, I’d like to speak with Eury privately.

- In the bushes –

Azul: Rani.

Rani: Yes, Prince Azul?

Azul: You know quite well how I feel about you.

Rani: Aww, yeah: you’re so cute.

- On the road –

Nisus: Just for five minutes I –

Night: I don’t know what he sees in her.

Nisus: Indeed but –

Night: She’s not very clever.

- In the bushes –

Azul: So now I come to you.

Rani: Mhmm?

Azul: In all sincerity…

- On the road –

Nisus: It’s just that we have some business –

Night: She’s not even that good looking!

Nisus: (sighs, pauses) She’s pretty.

Night: Average, I’d say.

- In the bushes –

Azul: Ah, this is embaressing.

Rani: It’s ok. Continue.

- On the road –

Nisus: She’s gorgeous!

Night: Pretty, maybe.

- In the bushes –

Azul: Rani…

Rani: Yes?

- On the road –

Nisus: (exaggerating) A Goddess!

Night: Exceptional! … at most!

- In the bushes –

Azul: Will you marry me?

- On the road –

Night: (realizing) Ah!

- In the bushes –

Rani: Ah…

- On the road –

Nisus: By God, he’s got it!

- In the bushes –

Rani: Ah? (she listens)

Azul: Rani?

Rani: Wait! Shh… did you hear that?

Azul: Hear what?

Rani: I think I just heard my name.

Azul: Well, I should think so, I just said it!

Rani: No, no, not you. It was Sir Night.

Azul: Sir Night?

Night: (entering) Rani! I have to talk to you!

Rani: What’s wrong?

Night: I just felt it!

Azul: (Angry) Felt what!

Night: (Giving a sidelong glare at him then turning back to Rani) I can feel… A realization… coming on!

Rani: What’s wrong with a realization?

Night: This one isn’t good – I can tell. I think it’s one of those realizations that can jeopardize our mission – our original plan.

Rani: Oh, God! Is it morality?

Azul: What is this!

Night: (ignoring him) I don’t know but let’s hurry before something goes wrong!

Rani: Right!

(They leave)

Azul: Wait! What!

(He follows)

End Scene

Scene XXVI – Nighttime.

2010-02-13T22:48:00.000-08:00

Guild’n’Stern open the gates to Eury’s mansion.

Priti: Wow!

Eury: This way, my dear.

(They enter, Viera follows)

Eury: Guild’n’Stern will take you to your room.

Priti: Oh but Eury, I wish to stay with you!

Eury: Before the wedding wouldn’t be proper, my dear.

Viera: Eury?

Eury: Yes, my dear?

Priti: Oh, Eury! Don’t call us both “dear”!

Eury: Ah, forgive me, my (focusing) love. What did you want to say, Viera?

Viera: I was just wondering, Eury, when the wedding was to be?

Eury: Ah…

Priti: Tomorrow! Eury, let’s be married as soon as possible!

Eury: “Tomorrow”!?

Priti: Guild! Stern! Contact the nearest parishioner!

Both: Yes ma’am!

Viera: I shall make arrangements for the room.

Eury: (Threateningly) Viera…

Priti: Very good, girl. Come with me (they leave).

Eury: … a head ache…

End Scene

Scene XXV – Night et al have reached the coast.

2010-02-13T22:44:00.000-08:00

(They exit the boat)

Azul: Rani, you must be tired. Allow me to assist you (He offers his hand).

Rani: Oh, thank you. I am quite sore.

(The other two also come out)

Nisus: Perhaps we should rest at an inn tonight? You can change your bandages as well.

Night: No – we must take the Princess.

Azul: She’s not in any danger, Sir Night. We have time.

Night: They are planning to be married! We do not know how soon!

Nisus: It couldn’t be that soon, Sir Night. You know that.

Rani: It’s all right, I can go further.

Azul: But Rani…

Night: Why don’t we take a horse?

Azul: I’m afraid being kidnapped has left me penniless.

(Night leaves)

Rani: I’ll get back to you once I’ve been paid.

(A pause)

Nisus: Yes, I do have money.

(A pause)

Nisus: Yes, as a Knight, I will offer my services.

Rani: You’re wonderful, Sir Nisus! Thank you! (she hugs him)

Azul: Thank you, Sir Nisus.

Nisus: Why are you thanking me, Prince Azul?

Azul: Why, I must thank you for my future wife.

Nisus: How devoted.

Azul: Do you not have someone you care for, Sir Nisus?

Nisus: Yes, I do, Prince Azul. But that person has never noticed.

Rani: Perhaps you should look toward women. Woman to be more specific.

Nisus: Who? Princess Priti? She’s beyond me.

Rani: Try again.

Nisus: Hmm… can’t think of who… (Azul laughs)

Rani: Well! I’ll just get my horse! (She turns and sees one) Ah!

Night: A horse for the lady? (He helps her up behind him) I never said I couldn’t pay.

Rani: Wait, you’ve had money this whole time?

Azul: (surprised) That was nice of you.

Nisus: Very out of character.

Night: I’m still a Knight – can we perhaps remember that?

Rani: I don’t know. I have trouble remembering things that don’t concern me.

Night: Forget it.

Rani: You’re contradicting yourself again…

(They move forward, the other two follow behind)

End Scene

Scene XXIV - At the Coast With Eury et al

2010-02-13T22:42:00.000-08:00

Viera: Ah! Land!

Priti: And where to now, Eury?

Eury: Now, my love, we go to my mansion. It is about a half day’s trip from here.

Viera: Look! There is Guild with the carriage now!

Priti: Who is riding with him?

Eury: (recognizing the second person) Oh, God, spare me.

Guild: (pulling up to them) Good day to you, Sir Eury!

Eury: Why, Guild, is Stern here?

Guild: He wished to come for the air, Sir, and as he had no prior engagements, I consented to his joining me.

Stern: You see, Sir Eury, one person alone cannot affirm his own existence.

Guild: So how may one truly know he exists if he does not have another to confirm himself?

Stern: It’s truly very philosophical.

Guild: Truly, Stern!

Eury: Well boys, do you see, hear, smell and feel yourselves? (They think for a while and then nod) Then you exist. Let us go. (He goes into the carriage with the girls)

Stern: Very logical, Guild – very.

Guild: And as such… not in our jurisdiction.

Stern … not in our jurisdiction.

(They ride off)

End Scene

Scene XXIII - On the row boat

2010-02-13T22:36:00.000-08:00

Rani: Oh! We have been rowing all night!

Azul: Perhaps we should rest?

Rani: Yes! I am a lady! I was not meant for such things!

Night: You are not a lady! Stop trying to be one!

Rani: … I see.

Azul: She is a lady and you shall not treat her otherwise!

Nisus: Perhaps we should take a break, Sir Night: your wound is starting to bleed again.

Night: (sigh) All right, then. (They break and relax. A Pause.) And I’m sorry, Rani. I’m a little overexcited.

Rani: I’ve grown quite tired of your apologies, you know.

Night: Well stop giving me a reason to apologize.

Rani: If it were my behaviour you were apologizing for, you wouldn’t be apologizing to me, would you?

Night: I certainly could: Rani, I am terribly sorry that you are such a fool!

Rani: Yes, but that would imply that you caused my foolishness. So it’s your fault in the end.

Azul: I am quite tired.

Nisus: Come, Prince Azul. You may have my shoulder to rest on.

(Azul leans on his shoulder and closes his eyes)

Rani: Yes, let’s sleep. If Sir Night wishes to move forward he may get out and push the boat himself.

Night: Perhaps I shall.

(A pause)

Rani: Are they already asleep?

Night: it seems that way.

Rani: Good then. (Whispering) Where is my pay?

Night: (Also whispering) I'm sorry, what?

Rani: I do believe that it is next to impossible for you to have not heard me.

Night: Yes, I heard you. How could you expect me to have your pay now?

Rani:I’ve done two jobs for you and now you expect a third without pay? It’s perfectly ridiculous!

Night: You will receive your pay when we are finished with this entire business, do you hear me?

Rani: Well, as I said: it’s next to impossible for me not to –

Night: Yes, yes, I know.

(A pause)

Rani: I understand that you’re heartbroken, Sir Night, but perhaps –

Night: “Heartbroken”?

Rani: You should really get your hearing checked.

Night: I heard what you said.

Rani: Well then you should stop acting as though you cannot hear!

(A pause)

Night: I am not “heartbroken”.

Rani: Now you’re just a deaf man in denial.

Night: Ha! “Denial”!

Rani: Yes! In fact I think you might be a little delirious!

Night: “Delirious” now? Oh, silly Rani. Listen, I may as well tell you for you are quite possibly the only person in this world who would understand.

Rani: I’m not sure if that’s an insult?

Night: It’s not, I assure you. The truth is I never was in love with Princess Priti! (She slaps him) What was that for!

Rani: I felt it was the appropriate response. Now continue.

Night: Well… (he rubs his cheek) she’s young, simple and easily manipulated. The easiest way to power. (she slaps him again)

Rani: That one was most certainly called for.

Night: (rubbing) Quite right. By moral standards I am a cur. But morality has given me nothing – just as it has given you. When I found out that she was to be married I decided to kidnap her and force a marriage on her father. If that didn’t work I’d ransom her and if that still did not come to fruition I’d simply sell all her jewels and sail to another land. Denmark, perhaps.

Rani: Oh, don’t go there. I have heard tales of it smelling quite foul.

Night: Does my story not shock you in the least?

Rani: “Shock”! Of course not! Your hypocrisy inspires me! You and I are the same “Sir” Night!

Night: Really?

Rani: Yes! And I am happy to help you become royalty for then I shall have my living and my pay through blackmail! Come, dear boy, let us row.

Night: Indeed! Let’s!

End Scene

Scene XXII – The cabin

2010-02-13T22:26:00.000-08:00

Eury is asleep at the side of the bed; Priti and Viera are asleep in the corner and Night on the bed.

Night: (rising) Ah…

Eury: (also rising) Sir Night!

Night: (jumping out of bed, still somewhat injured) Sir Eury! You!

Eury: Do you feel better then?

Night: … yes. Thank you. Where is the Princess!

Priti: Night?

Night: (turning) Princess! Are you all right?

Priti: Perfectly. Why?

Night: (turning back) I am taking the Princess with me, Sir Eury.

Eury: That’s perfectly all right with me, Sir Night, but I think you’ll find that she is unwilling to part with me.

Night: What?

Priti: It’s true, Sir Night. Please leave us.

Night: What?

(Eury signals Viera and she leaves)

Priti: I’m in love, Sir Night.

Night: Yes. With me.

Priti: It was once that way. But I am now in love with Eury (she runs to his side).

Night: But we were to be married!

Priti: Yes, well, now I plan to marry Eury.

Night: Do you jest? That’s impossible!

Priti: (insulted) How so!

Night: Because he –

Night: Sir Night! I do think that you should be on your way.

Night: “One my way”? Princess, it seems I will have to kidnap you into your rightful place. And then perhaps you shall… ‘rediscover’ your love for me.

Priti: Sir Night, I –

(Viera returns with the Captain and a crew mate)

Man: The stowaway! (He holds Night)

Capt: It’s time to leave my light-pursed friend!

(They take him into a small boat with the others)

Azul: Sir Night!

Rani: You’re alive!

Nisus: Sir Eury!

Eury: Good day to you, Sir Nisus.

Nisus: please, don’t be so cold, Sir Eury.

Night: Princess Priti, I implore you to please come with us!

Rani: Princess?

Azul: Is that her?

Night: You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into! (the boat begins to drift)

Priti: Goodbye, Sir Night! I do not regret having known you!

Rani: “Known” you? Like… Biblical “known”?

Night: Oh, what do you know!

Rani: I “know” no man, sir!

Nisus: Rani, perhaps we should leave him be. He has been deserted.

Rani: Oh… yes, I see.

(A pause; Night is on the verge of tears; a further pause)

Rani: Sir Ni-

Night: (loudly) That bitch!

Nisus: I do believe he’s all right now.

Azul: Sir Night, do you feel that that language is appropriate around a lady!

Rani: Oh it’s all right, I-

Night: What lady! Oh, yes, Rani.

Rani: Yes, I should think I would qualify!

Night: (he smirks) I’m not convinced.

Nisus: Wait – are you happy now?

Azul: I am terribly confused.

Rani: What is going on in your head, sir?

Night: Come, come, people! We have a new mission at hand!

Rani: We do?

Night: Yes! Follow that boat! We are going to take back Princess Priti!

Nisus: I thought we were already doing that?

Night: Rescuing her, yes. But now we are kidnapping her!

Rani: Again? But I was even paid the first time!

Nisus: “The first time”!

Rani: What? “First time”? Whatever do you speak of, Sir Nisus?

Azul: Am I the only one rowing then?

- On the other boat -

Viera: Eury… you don’t really intend to marry the girl, do you?

Eury: Of course not. I only wish for Sir Night to stop this silly charade of his.

(Priti Enters)

Priti: Oh, Eury! Just one more day until we are home!

Eury: Yes, yes.

Priti: I’m so glad we were able to get rid of Sir Night.

Eury: Are you, then?

Priti: Oh, yes! He was terribly heartbroken, to be sure.

Eury: I disagree.

Priti: Eury! Oh well, no need to be jealous.

Eury: I am not jealous!

Priti: (to Viera) You! Do fetch us some tea!

Viera: What!

Eury: (picking up Priti and shoving her into the room) Come. And shut your silly little mouth.

End Scene

Scene XXI – The cabin

2010-02-11T20:42:00.000-08:00

Eury I seating over the bed. Priti is on the other side, watching Night & Eury

Priti: What a dilemma! (pause) Oh, my.

Eury: Am I meant to inquire further?

Priti: You are!

Eury: (indulging) What ever is the matter, Princess?

Priti: Oh, Eury! (she throws herself at him) I know not where my heart lies!

Eury: I believe, if you have one, it should be right here (he pokes her chest).

Priti: Ah! (She pulls away) Really! (She looks between him and Night) Oh, my!

Eury: If you mean to say that you cannot decide whether to lover me or Sir Night, I shall make your decision all the more simple (he looks at Night).

Priti: If you mean to tell me again that you hate me, Eury –

Eury: Love me.

Priti: I beg your pardon?

Eury: Simply put, I would rather you torment me with your affections than Sir Night.

Priti: Oh, Eury! And admission at last! My unwavering heart has finally touched you!

Eury: Quite right, then.

Priti: But whatever shall I do about Sir Night: he loves me so dearly.

Night: (rising, feverish) Rani… Rani…

Eury: “Rani”?

Priti: What! Unfaithful-!

Night: You impudent and intolerable wretch I shall throw you to the dogs! (he falls back to the bed)

Eury: (relieved) Just anger then.

Priti: What language! I daresay I should never have loved that

Eury: I daresay he should never have loved you.

Priti: What’s that?

(Viera enters)

Viera: How is the patient?

Eury: Still feverish, darling Viera, but he should be fine in the morning. May I speak to you in private?

Viera: Why of course! (She follows him out the door and sticks her tongue out at Priti)

Eury: There have been some recent developments that certainly aid our objective.

Viera: Wonderful! What are they?

Eury: The Princess has fallen in love with me.

Viera: Oh, sweet Eury. I could have told you that.

Eury: Yes, well, it seems our Princess has openly declared her love for me.

Viera: Oh! So then it isn’t necessary to take her any further. We can leave her in the care of Sir Night?

Eury: Don’t be ridiculous: the girl is as fickle as she is rich. If we leave her now she will simply fall back into love with Sir Night.

Viera: Perhaps you give Sir Night too much credit.

Eury: Perhaps…

- The other room -

Rani: Did anyone else hear Sir Night yelling at me just now?

Nisus: You must certainly be in love, little miss.

Azul: I thought he was dead?

Rani: He had better not die before I’m paid!

Nisus: “Paid”?

Rani: Yes… for, uh… paying his ship ticket.

Nisus: We are stowaways.

Rani: No, no, I mean the other ship we took.

Nisus: “Other ship”? What other ship?

Rani: The- the ship across the lake of course!

Nisus: You took a footbridge!

Rani: It was before we met!

Nisus: Do you think me dense, Miss?

Rani: Yes… no… Perhaps we should throw you into the water and see.

Azul: Calm down, both of you.

Rani: You don’t understand, Prince: there will be blood tea and crumpets!

Nisus: I do believe your imagination does you the most harm in this world.

Rani: Why does he treat me so?

Azul: Perhaps we should all of us go to bed.

Rani: Oh no! How could I sleep with two men in the room! I should be branded a whore!

Nisus: I assure you, you are perfectly safe with me.

Azul: I shall never let anything harm you, my love.

Rani: I shall never let anything harm me. The two of you may sleep on that side of the room. (She pushes them to a small dining area).

End Scene

Scene XX – Back in the cabin

2010-02-11T20:33:00.000-08:00

Eury: Stowaways, you say?

Viera: They mean to kick them off at the nearest port.

Eury: Couldn’t they just go the whole way? Why must the rest of us be delayed?

Viera: It seems one of them is injured

Eury: I see. Let them bring the stowaway here. I shall look at him. (Viera leaves)

Priti: Do you know medicine, Eury?

Eury: A little.

Priti: You are ever so talented!

Eury: Young lady, I thought you were engaged.

Priti: Prince Azul… is not the one I love.

Eury: I was not referring to him.

(The Captain enters)

Capt: Well, sir, here is the injured stowaway – though I’d rather you allow me to leave him at the next port.

Eury: Nonsense, bring him in.

(They carry in Night)

Eury: Night!

Night: You!

Priti: Sir Night!

Night: (with a sigh of relief) Princess. (recovering) Where is my sword? Come, Sir Eury! This ridiculous chase shall be brought to a close!

Eury: (pitifully) Night, save your strength. You may challenge me when you are better.

(He helps him to the bed and begins to clean his wound)

Night: (raising himself) I cannot accept aid form a criminal!

Priti: (Holding him) Please, Sir Night.

Night: Princess… (he lies back)

- In another room -

Rani: Do you think Sir Night is doing all right?

Nisus: I don’t see why not. He is with a doctor.

Azul: I wish you wouldn’t think of him so often.

Nisus: How fickle is a woman’s heart.

Rani: What do you know of a woman’s heart? My heart is constant! It has but one master.

Azul: (eager) Who, dear Rani!

Rani: Oh, do I have to say it? Money, of course. Why, I though it obvious enough.

Nisus: Indeed.

Azul: (rising) I shall replace it, Rani! You may have all my wealth and more! (he kisses her hand)

Rani: Yes… yes I think I shall.

Nisus: Well that worked out quite well.

Rani: I’d like to go outside. Can we go outside?

Azul: They’ve locked us in here until further notice.

Rani: Oh, God!

Nisus: What is it?

Rani: Don’t you see?

Nisus: See what?

Rani: We are human sacrifices!

Azul: What?

Nisus: Might I request exclusion from the following tangent?

Rani: They’ve locked us away and they’re taking us away! One by one they’ll sacrifice us to the Sea God while they eat their blood stained crumpets and tea!

Azul: How barbaric!

Rani: Savage!

Nisus: How amusing.

Rani: Oh, poor unfortunate, Sir Night!

Azul: We must rescue him!

Nisus: Dear me, assuming the aforementioned sacrifice theory is true, he should already be devoured.

Azul: “Devoured”? By the Sea God?

Rani: Or something far worse!

End Scene

Scene XIX – The ship's hull

2010-02-09T23:11:00.001-08:00

Night: (Groaning) Ahhh!

Nisus: (looking about) I do wish you’d be more quiet!

Azul: His wound must be tended to.

Rani: (to Night) Hey, are you okay? You’re burning up.

Night: I feel as though I’m freezing.

Rani: You’re burning, though.

Night: Yes, thank you for restating the acknowledged fact, now if you’d please allow me to simply suffer without your incessant chatter I’d very much consider myself indebted to you.

Rani: You’re being cruel to me again, then.

Nisus: He needs a physician.

Azul: It’d be better if we simply tell the ship’s captain and be done with it.

Night: But Princess Priti –

Rani: - would prefer a living fiancée, I’m sure.

(Azul leaves)

Night: Rani…

Rani: After all, being only engaged doesn’t guarantee her receiving any of your estate. Then again she is a princess and you are the one marrying above rank…

Night: You were so close to enciting within me some sort of positive emotion toward you.

Nisus: Dashed away, how tragic.

Rani: Where is the Prince?

Nisus: He left for the Captain during your… thing.

(Azul returns)

Azul: There they are.

Man: Where?

Azul: There.

Man: I don’t see anyone.

Azul: Oh, right. You did say you were blind.

Man: I don’t see what that has to do with anything.

Azul: You wouldn’t, would you?

Nisus: We’re here!

Man: There they are!

Azul: Well spotted.

Nisus: we require medical assistance.

End Scene

Scene XVIII - Eury's Boat Cabin

2010-02-09T23:08:00.001-08:00

Priti: How much farther is it to your castle, Eury?

Eury: Not far, dear. 2 days distance.

Priti: I think I shall come to like, if not love, my new home.

Eury: Your “new home”?

Priti: Why, yes of course. Why else would you have kidnapped me but to make me the mistress of your manor?

Eury: “Mistress”?

Priti: You must be terribly in love to have gone through such trouble for me.

Eury: What preposterous notion is this?

Priti: It’s quite all right, dearie. I perfectly understand. You’re not the first to have fallen for me, you know.

Eury: I do believe, “dearie,” that it is the other way around. Do not believe me to be easily manipulated by your womanly guiles.

Priti: Well, why else would you have kidnapped me?

Eury: If you must know, I have taken you away to rescue us all from a life unsorted and unlived.

Priti: Oh! Then you do love me! Oh, dearest Eury! (She hugs him)

Eury: Inconstant woman! Re you not otherwise tied to someone else? Have some sense of propriety! (Viera enters)

Viera: Eury! Oh, what’s this then?

Eury: It’s nothing. (He pushes her off) In the absolute. (He shudders)

Viera: I see. Well then (she links her arm in his), perhaps you would be interested in knowing that we are making a detour on our route.

Eury: What? Why?

Viera: Stowaways, my dear Eury.

End Scene

Scene XVII - The docks

2010-02-09T23:05:00.000-08:00

Eury: We’re a bit late darlings. We’ll have to skip breakfast. Let’s head to the ship.

Priti: Oh… but I’m so hungry…

Viera: You’ll eat on the ship. (They board the ship in long-shot; Enter Night et al)

Nisus: We need to board a ship! Quickly!

Rani: (on the horse behind Principe Azul) I’m sure they aren’t still following us.

Night: (strained) The sooner we can save the Princess and go home, the better.

Azul: Are you still bleeding?

Night: (sarcastically) Just a little!

Nisus: Oh, the tension. Though it’s to be expected between the bridegroom and the lover.

Right: Intriguing.

Night: Look - a ship. Board. (They come off their horses)

Rani: But we don’t have tickets.

Nisus: And it will follow a route, not Sir Eury.

Night: We can follow it down the river until it hits open water. Then we can take one of the smaller safety boats…

Azul: We still cannot board without tickets.

Rani: So we stowaway!

End Scene

Scene XVII - Circus Grounds

2010-02-09T22:50:00.000-08:00

Rani: Circus!

Night: Yes, we’ve established that much.

Nisus: I wonder who’s in charge?

Night: Let’s ask around. (they exit)

Man: Good evening, miss. Show you a magic trick?

Rani: Yes, please! (he pulls a coin from the back of her ear) You call that magic? More like the hands of a pickpocket.

Man: Well, if you’d like to see something bigger you’ll have to come into my caboose.

Rani: Um… I think you should take that kinda thing to Sir Nisus (pause) Ooh you mean your room! Right… right. (They go to his room) This is a nice place.

Man: Why, thank you, my dear. I’ll just be back with some props.

Rani: Oh, all right. (she sits, hears a knocking) Hello? (looks about) Where is that coming from? (She finds a trap door with bars under it. A man is underneath) Hello?

Azul: Help me!

Rani: Oh! Are you all right? What’s going on here?

Azul: My name is Principe Azul! I have been kidnapped! Please help me! (the man reenters)

Rani: This can’t end well.

Man: For my first trick, I shall make you disappear! Hahaha!

Rani: Oh! Woe is me that my life should gorily end at the hands of an uninspired magician!

Man: Well for now I was just going to toss you in with him.

Rani: Oh. I see. Well if I don’t put up a fight this should be much simpler.

Man: I’d appreciate it.

Rani: You should allow me one scream though. Common courtesy.

Man: Granted. But I have to cut you off. Can’t have you screaming too long now can I?

Rani: Very well then. (screaming) Sir Ni- (he cuts her off)

- Elsewhere in the circus -

Nisus: Well I found the head and he’s consented to taking us to the docks. You wouldn’t believe what he made me do though (he wipes his mouth)

Night: (With a sick face) Ugh…

Night: What? Oh no! You sick, sick man! I helped in the kitchen!

Night: Wait - did you just hear Rani?

Nisus: I’m afraid I was too busy scolding you.

Night: Well let’s look for her. You never know with these circus types.

- Underneath the caboose -

Rani: So what are you in for?

Azul: I am a Spanish prince, you see. I was on my way to the capital to marry Princess Priti when I was kidnapped by these oafs! I’ve no idea what’s happened to my guards. What day is it outside? I’ve been in here for so long…

Rani: Aww… don’t you worry. Sir Night will be here soon. As for the day… Being locked up twice, I’ve long forgotten.

Azul: Who is Sir Night?

Rani: Oh, yes. We’re traveling together to save Princess Priti from a kidnapper. Huh… what a coincidence. Wait a second, how old are you?

Azul: I shall have 17 years a month and two days from the time I was kidnapped.

Rani: And you’re to be married? Don’t you have a little girlfriend in your country?

Azul: Well... no. What is your name?

Rani: Oh, I’m Rani.

Azul: Rani is such a beautiful name.

Rani: Oh, well, thank you, I - Oh, wait now. You’re too young for me, sweetie. (aside) Am I turning down a prince? Really?

Azul: Ah! Someone’s here! Listen!

(heard from above)

Nisus: Have you seen a girl around here? About yea high?

Night: Incredibly talkative. Won’t shut up, in fact.

Rani: Oh! That’s Sir Night! (calling up) Sir Night!

(viewed from above)

Night: I’m sure I heard her that time.

Nisus: Highpitched.

Man: Just rats! (He stomps on the boards)

(viewed from below)

Azul: “Just rats”? (He knocks a tune on the floorboards)

(viewed from above)

Nisus: Very clever rats.

Night: Perhaps you need an exterminator? Go ahead, Sir Nisus.

Nisus: What? I’m not dealing with rats! I’m a bloody knight!

Man: Quite true; I would never ask you to do such a thing. I’ll take care of them myself.

Night: Now, now. It won’t take a minute. I’ll do it. Idiot. (He goes to lift the door)

Man: (Back turned to Nisus, putting a knife to Night’s side) I wouldn’t do that if I was you.

Nisus: What? Why not?

Night: (slowly turning) Are you really so dense?

Nisus: Oh, he has a knife. Well I didn’t see the knife, now did I?

Night: Well you do now, yes?

Nisus: Well, yes, it is right there.

Night: Do you mind removing it from my side?

Nisus: (confused) It’s not in your side.

Man: Lift the door!

Night: (frustrated) You just told me not to!

Man: Yes, but now I want you inside.

(viewed from below)

Rani: That man needs to refine his phraseology.

(the door opens; Nisus runs at the man offscreen and we can see through Rani/Azul’s view: Night is stabbed)

Night: Argh! Idiot! (He gets up and heads toward Nisus & the man; Azul also goes up, followed by Rani)

(they eventually tie the man down and Nisus tends to the stab wound)

Night: This was completely unnecessary. Why did you take them captive?

Man: Well, the Circus business is not doing very well. The slave market, on the other hand… now, hold on. Shouldn’t she be doing that?

Rani: Me? Why? Because I’m a woman? I’ll have you know that gender classification is the reason I’m not married!

Man: No, no, not at all! It’s just that it’s customary for the lover to tend to the Knight’s wounds. Like in the picture books.

Night: As if she’d know how to tend.

Azul: She’s not his lover! She’s mine.

Night: What’s this?

Azul: I swear that by the time we rescue the Princess, Miss Rani’s heart shall belong to me!

Rani: Oh, my.

Nisus: Well you shall have plenty of time now that we can’t count on the circus to take us.

Night: Well why don’t we just give the two lovers back and pretend none of this ever happened?

Nisus: Now, there’s no need to be so upset about it.

Azul: Insolent knight! I shall have your head!

Rani: Oh yes, right. Where are my manners? Sirs Night and Nisus, this is Prince Azul: The Princess’ bridegroom (she shows them his ring with the royal insignia).

Night: What?

Nisus: Aye… your Highness. We are so sorry to have offended you.

Night: (through his teeth) My apologies, your Majesty.

Nisus: But how did you come to be here, Sire?

Rani: Sorry to interrupt. Could we perhaps leave now and chat later? You see someone might come in and see their friend tied up and get the wrong idea. Well… the right idea, actually.

Nisus: Right. (He helps Night up and they head out)

Man: Excuse me! Hi, excuse me. Yes, I do believe I’m entitled to one cry for help.

Night: What’s that?

Rani: Well it’s only fair. He did give me one. But I’ll have to cut you off.

Man: Yes, of course. Aah- may I begin?

Night: (giving up) Right. Well then, be quick about it.

Man: Halp m-

Rani: Right then! That’s enough. We’ll be going now.

Ringleader: (opens the door) What’s wrong here?

Nisus: That was fast.

Rani: Faster than you two were, certainly.

Night: At least we came! Ah (he clutches his side)

Azul: Ah, dios mio! (He draws Night’s sword and slashes through the Ringleader) Can we go now?

Nisus: (biting his lip) Nice.

(they leave; chase scene; steal some horses and go)

End Scene

P.S. I know I have to write a chase scene, I'm just shit with action ok ;.;

Scene XVI - Approaching The Lake

2010-02-09T22:46:00.000-08:00

Priti rides with Eury on one horse; Viera is on another

Eury: A clever idea dear Viera, to leave the carriage behind.

Viera: Thank you so much, my love. But couldn’t we just tie her up and make her walk instead of this alternative?

Priti: I was never very fond of horses - I’m scared (she hugs Eury).

Viera: Silly little princess. That horse is the least of your worries.

Eury: Don’t scare her too much dear.

Priti: I’m terribly tired… and your back is so very warm…

Eury: Sleep then.

Priti: Could I really?

Eury: I don’t see the harm.

(Viera looks on angrily)

End Scene

Two short films

2009-10-16T19:16:00.000-07:00

A break from A Medieval Romance to give you two short film scripts that I wrote in about an hour. The first is a gay short film: I got the "inspiration" from watching "How Green Was My Valley" and thinking "those kids fighting in the coal mine totally looks like they could make out without people noticing."
The second is a dystopic melodrama about being lost in Honest Ed's :if you're from Toronto, you should understand, sorry to all of you who don't. Basically Honest Ed's is a huge friggin store with all kinds of cheap stuff and... it's very hard to get out. Me, my mom and my brother went in and it took us a half hour to figure it out even after someone told us it was "that way."

First:

(Camera in extreme close up of a boy’s mouth)

Student: (Yelling) Fight out front!

Camera zooms out and the boys runs off down the hallway to tell more people; the camera then turns to the left where our Narrator is standing in a medium shot, boys running past him)

Narr: Sam and Rahim had gotten into another fight.

(The narrator unfreezes and runs outside, the camera following him into the hallways and then stopping to let him run down the hall to the front doors; he opens the doors and immediately cut to a medium-close up of him from the front, he looks to the left and right in slow motion for about a second then returns to normal speed and moves forward, the camera tracking backward and then panning right to see him move to his left and join the group of boys circling around.

Narr: (as he pushes toward the front line) Sam and Rahim fought at least once a week. Once over an assignment they did together and another time over a girl.

(The camera cuts to a medium-long shot of the two of them fighting and circles around them slowly. Sam throws a couple punches but misses, they continue circling; boys cheer around the circle. Cut to a medium-close-up of the narrator cheering)

Narr: Today, being front row the fight seemed very different.

(Cut back to the fight but in a static medium close-up. Rahim t akes a punch and Sam dodges and gets him into a hold around the shoulders. As he turns his head from one of Rahim’s shoulders to the next their lips brush in extreme close up; After Sam, still holding, pushes his head on to Rahim’s shoulder he ambiguously kisses his neck, also in close-up and slow motion. Speed returns to normal and the shot zooms out to a closeup: Rahim pushes him off violently, leaving them both off screen and boys cheering in the background. Cut to the narrator’s face in medium close-up, confused. The camera tracks back to a medium shot to let the fighters into the foreground focus)

Narr: Did they just…?

(Cut to medium long shot of the fight, the camera circling slowly again. Rahim knocks Sam to the ground and sits atop him, punching him once, twice. During this, the camera finishes circling and stops over Rahim’s shoulder, looking down at Sam. Rahim stops punching, cups Sam’s head with his right hand, wipes the blood away from his lip with his thumb. He then lightly slaps him on the cheek, mockingly and gets up; the camera cuts to Sam’s POV of Rahim getting up, the narrator in the background)

Rahim: (smirking) That’s enough play today, I think.

(The camera rises, still in Sam’s POV then cuts to a static medium long shot of the boys. Sam turns Rahim around and punches him to the ground then cuts through the boys and leaves. Cut to a close up shot of the narrator, still looking confused)

Narr: Was I the only one who saw it? (Cut to narrator’s POV shot, pans the circle quickly to see boys leaving) Yes. It would appear so.

-End-

Second:

(The camera, in an extreme close up of a girl’s eye, zooms out to a close-up of her face)

Girl: Oh God, where am I? (she looks around) The furniture section? (She looks down) It’s been days now – months even… I just can’t find the way out!

(cut to establishing long shot of outside Honest Ed’s, hold for a second; cut to the girl’s close up again, she looks up. Cut to POV shot: she is walking up the stairs. She reaches the top so the camera stops then pans left and right to see people shopping)

Girl: Everyone so… calm – don’t they see?
(Camera spins around to show her stiff face in a close-up) There is no exit!

(Cut to a long shot of woman and a worker)

Woman: Hi there – can you please tell me where the exit is?

Worker: Yes, it’s just down those stairs (she points and the camera follows her finger then comes back to the original shot)

Woman: Thank you! (Camera follows the woman to the staircase)

(Cut to a tracking long shot of the girl moving across the store to the stairs and then a POV shot going down them)

Girl: (after reaching the bottom) No! (the camera spins around to see the girl’s horrified face in a close-up) I was just here! (cut to a POV pan left & right) Where did that woman go? (Cut to a long profile shot of the girl standing at the bottom of the stairs) She’s gone now. (camera slowly zooms in) She has by now… met her fate. (The camera stops at a medium shot. The girl moves forward and the camera pans left to follow her from behind. She continues walking but abruptly stops.)

(Cut to a medium close-up of the girl’s profile. She turns her head toward the camera but looks beyond it; cut to a POV shot of a boy in soft focus looking confused and panicky; camera tracks toward him)

Girl: Are you lost too? (A hand – the girl’s – reachous out from behind the camera and stops on his shoulder)

Boy: (looking at the camera) Where am I? (camera quickly turns to a medium close-up profile shot of the two speaking) What is this place? (he begins to cry into her shoulder) It’s been… so long!

Girl: It’s okay (she pats his head. A pause. She pushes him off and slaps him) Get a hold of yourself, man! I can’t do this without you!

(Cut to a shot 180 degrees around. They turn and walk together, the camera follows behind. They stop.)

Boy: Maybe we could ask someone?

Girl: No! (the camera tracks up to them into a medium close-up shot; she turns and grabs him by the shoulders) They aren’t people! I’ve seen – a poor woman… she asked them the way – and I never saw her again…

Boy: Oh, God, we’ll die here! (He whips his head toward the camera and downward)

Girl: We’ll get out of here – and it shall be glorious! (she looks upward) Don’t worry, Johnny – I’ll take care of you. (she hugs him)

Boy: (quietly) Devon.

Girl: (dramatically) Devon. (They turn away from the camera and keep walking)
(Camera cuts to a medium shot of them from the front. They keep walking forward in slow motion)

Girl: Months passed. Years. Men and women, we saw them come and go: victims of this cold, cruel place.

Offscreen voice: Excuse me.

(The two stop, so does the camera. They turn their heads to the voice but not their bodies. The camera zooms out to fit the voice into the shot)

Worker: We’re closing now. You’ll have to leave.

Devon: Don’t you see? We’ve been trying! For so long! (he writhes his hands and looks toward the sky)

Worker: … I see. May I escort you then?

(Devon and the girl look at each other worried then look to the worker and hesitantly nod; the worker turns and walks off screen, the other two follow. Cut to a medium shot of the two walking forward)

Devon: Listen to me… if we don’t make it out alive… I just want you to know that I-

Girl: Don’t say it, man! It’ll only make it harder!

Devon: I love you dammit! I would’ve married you, Annie – if only things were different!

Girl: Damn you I said don’t say it! (A pause then quietly) Natalie.

Devon: (lovestruck) Natalie!

Worker: (offscreen) Here we are.

(Cut to a long shot of the three of them at the exit. They open the door and a bright light shines. They walk into it in slow motion. Cut to a long shot of them on Bloor St. Cut to a medium shot of them. Natalie grabs a woman walking on the St.)

Natalie: What… what year is this?

Woman: … 2009.

Devon: And the day!?

Woman: It… it’s Oct 16th… 9pm…

Natalie: No…

Devon: So… I was only in there for an hour!?

(Natalie lets the woman go. The camera moves upward into an aerial shot and cuts outward into a number of takes progressively further until into an extreme long shot)

Natalie: What time magic is this!?

-End-

Hope you enjoyed!

Scene XV - Forest (Approaching Lake)

2009-09-08T20:30:00.000-07:00

Rani: On the road again. At least this time it’s an actual road.

Night: Do you suppose he’s watching us right now? It’s a bit… unnerving.

Rani: You mean Sir Nisus? Well I would imagine so. But why “unnerving?”

Night: Ah - no reason.

Rani: You know I don’t understand why Sir Eury would kidnap Princess Priti.

Night: What’s not to understand? He’s bitter because he was forced out of the knighthood.

Rani: Was he a good knight?

Night: I was only his squire for a few months; I wouldn’t know.

Rani: Oh - is he a lot older than you?

Night: Just three years.

Rani: Good! He’s still young! And so endearing!

Night: Are you serious?

Rani: What?

Night: He’s not a knight anymore - he was banished! And now he’s kidnapped the princess - a common criminal.

Rani: Whereas I, of course, am the epitome of honesty.

Night: (sigh) Of course. Listen, you can do a lot better than him.

Rani: Why are you being so mean to Sir Eury? (suspiciously crossing her arms across her breasts) Or rather, so nice to me?

Night: What do you mean?

Rani: Well you usually just call me an idiot… et al.

Night: Well you’re not a bad person. Not a sensible one either, mind you-

Rani: But not a bad one? …. Hmm.

Night: (After a pause) Well this has become awkward…

Rani: Oh! A circus!

Night: A circ- oh.

Rani: Could we go? Perhaps they might know something?

Night: We don’t have time! In any case they look as though they’re packing to leave.

Rani: I suppose we have wasted enough time.

Night: Rani, look there!

Rani: What? What?

Night: (Pointing toward a carriage driving around the lake) That’s Eury’s carriage!

Rani: He has his own carriage? Wow!

Night: Hurry! (he looks around) Ugh! My peasant for a horse!

Rani: Well, see, that’s what I’m talking about - you’re just not nice.

Night: Rani!

Rani: Ok! Why don’t we cut him off using the footbridge across the lake?
(They run across the footbridge and face the carriage coming toward them; it slips by but Night jams his sword into the wheel so as to make it lose its balance and topple over)

Rani: Oh no! Idiot! The princess is in there!

(he turns and runs down the toppling carriage; it falls and he catches up)

Night: (rummaging) Princess! (A body turns out to be Nisus)

Rani: (catching up) That’s not the princess…

Night: Thank you for the helpful tip. Sir Nisus! Wake up, damn you (he slaps him)

Nisus: Eugh…

Night: What were you doing in Sir Eury’s carriage?

Nisus: You fool! I was chasing after him!

Night: What?

Nisus: They fled on horseback!

Rani: Oh… bad move on your part.

Night: Where were they headed? We have to catch up!

Nisus: Toward the docks down the river.

Rani: The docks? Does Sir Eury have a ship as well?

Nisus: It’s likely. If they get on to the open water to too quickly we might lose them…

Night: We’ll need transportation.

Nisus: Well, unfortunately the horses decided to trot along their own way when someone decide to attack the carriage.

Night: Well what was I -

Rani: Ooh!

Night: supposed to do? I thought -

Rani: I know!

Night: you were Sir Eury!

Rani: Hi! Here! Pick me!

Nisus: A foolish assumption! His flag was -

Rani: Not listening then?

Nisus: not raised!

Rani: (making a face) grr…

Night: I could recognize his carriage without the flag!

Nisus: I’m sure you know this carriage very well!

Rani: CIRCUS!!

Night: Enough with the confounded circus! We aren’t going!

Rani: It’s a traveling circus! We can hitch a ride.

Nisus: Idiot.

Rani: (still incensed) Why are you gay, dammit!

Nisus: Ah…?

Rani: (looking him up and down) It’s such a waste for us women… to be stuck with (shifting her glance to Night) second rate males .

Night: Can we go? We’re wasting time!

Rani: (looking at Nisus scoldingly) We’ll continue this conversation later.

End Scene

Scene XIV - The Lake

2009-09-08T20:28:00.000-07:00

Priti is bathing; Viera watches and Eury writes in the carriage

Viera: Well, hurry it up then!

Priti: You cannot rush a princess!

Viera: I can rush a hostage!

Priti: You’re just regurgitating what Eury says. Do you not have a mind of your own?

Viera: Why, you! (they continue)

Eury: Oh, a head ache! (he gets up and heads toward the lake with a sheet)

Priti: What ae you doing!

Eury: You have been in there for a good hour. Let’s go.

Priti: You can’t just - I’m not decent!

Eury: I am well away of that, believe me. (he drags her out and wraps her in the sheet) Go and get dressed!

Priti: I am quite weary of this treatment!

Eury: And I am quite weary of your voice. Now, darling, I’ve treated you very well thus far but I can be quite unforgiving. Now go, get dressed and we’ll move out. And don’t think of just waiting around in there because I am well ready to carry you, as you are, the rest of the way. (she leaves)

Viera: Eury?

Eury: Yes, my dear?

Viera: You’re acting strangely - is something wrong?

Eury: My heart, Viera. It feels as though it’s about to implode.

Viera: Oh no, Eury! Don’t tell me you’re beginning to feel something for that wench!

Eury: What? Decidedly not! That would be ridiculous.

Viera: I certainly hope so (she goes to the carriage)

Scene XIII -The Cottage

2009-09-08T20:24:00.000-07:00

Rani: Oh! It’s so warm and comfy!

Night: I suppose you’re right.

Rani: Eh?

Night: I could respect you a little more.

Rani: A little?

Night: About a teaspoon more.

Rani: I am truly impressed by your sudden chivalry, Sir Night.

Nisus: (entering) Oh what a heartwarming moment. Anyone for tea?

Night: You? What are you doing here?

Rani: Another friend of yours?

Nisus: I wouldn’t say “friend.” And as for you, I’ve been here since your suspects left - in a horse drawn carriage no less.

Night: What? Why didn’t you stop them?

Nisus: Why, Sir Night. That’s not my job. It’s yours.

Rani: What is your job exactly? I’ll have that tea by the way.

Nisus: To follow you two. Well, Sir Night, not you. (Pouring the tea)

Night: Am I the only one worried about the Princess? What if they’re going to hurt her? Kill her even?

Rani: Oh I highly doubt that. (Sipping)

Nisus: Do you?

Night: How can you?

Rani: Well, what would be gained? They could receive much more money by ransoming. Anyway, if the plan is to kill her, she should already be dead.

Night: You seem awfully calm about it.

Rani: Times of war, dearie. I am desensitized.

Nisus: Tragic, really. Anyway she’s still alive. I saw her in the carriage.

Night: Thank God!

Rani: Oh right, she’s your fiancee. It completely slipped my mind!

Night: You fool! Shush!

Nisus: Oh no need to fret dear Sir Night. Everyone knows. Except of course for the King… what a twat.

Night: What?

Nisus: She makes it obvious enough. How can one not know?

Night: Wait a second. Who ordered you to follow us - me?

Rani: Ooh, I wanna know too!

Nisus: Why, the King, of course. Who else?

Night: The King?

Rani: You know what this is like? A bad drama. Like the ones that Shakespeare makes.

Nisus: What! William Shakespeare is a romantic Apollo!

Rani: Big fan, eh?

Night: That’s enough plotless banter. Let’s go, Rani.

Rani: Oh, all right. So, Sir Nisus, you’ll be watching us?

Nisus: Only when you are decent, miss.

Rani: Sure about that? You might miss something good.

Night: That is simply whorish.

Rani: Don’t judge me! I’m already past optimal marrying age! Anyway, now I know you can’t rape me.

Nisus: Rape?

Night: Is that what this is about? Out!

- Outside -

Rani: I like him!

Night: You’re not his type.

Rani: What’s that supposed to mean? (Night makes female gestures) Oh… oh! I didn’t know there were gay knights… humph!

End Scene

Scene XII - The Forest (Further Down)

2009-08-28T19:34:00.000-07:00

Priti: This is absolutely appalling!

Eury: Absolutely?

Viera: I agree! Her stench is too much!

Priti: What! Don’t let her speak to me like that!

Eury: I do wonder if perhaps you two could stop fighting long enough to see the lake just ahead of us?

Priti: Thank goodness! (She runs ahead)

Viera: Wait, you idiot! (She follows)

Scene XI -The Woods

2009-08-28T19:24:00.000-07:00

Rani: Oh! We’ve been following these footsteps all night! My feet hurt.

Night: Your feet hurt? We just sat down!

Rani: Yeah, for exactly 73 seconds.

Night: Don’t exaggerate. It only seemed that short because you’re lazy.

Rani: That’s what you said last time. That’s why I took the liberty to count on this instance.

Night: Do you perhaps live to prove me wrong?

Rani: Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t need to prove your incorectness.

Night: Thank you - hey, wait!

Rani: What? Oh. A Cottage. How quaint.

Night: Brilliant deduction. What else do you see?

Rani: Um… trees?

Night: What else.

Rani: A fuzzy woodland creature.

Night: Look down.

Rani: Oh… footprints?

Night: And what do footprints plus cottage equal?

Rani: Footage? Cotprints!

Night: Are you trying to harass me or is your education so poor?

Rani: Can I assume by that question that I am succeeding in harassing you?

Night: If you’re trying to, yes.

Rani: I’m gonna go with yes. I am trying to.

Night: Great. Are we done here? Let’s see if the princess is in the cottage.

Rani: OH! The princess! Right!

- Inside the Cottage -

Eury: Are we all packed?

Viera: Oh no! Eury, two people are coming!

Priti: What? Help! Help me! Sir Night!

Eury: Be quiet! Lock her in the room and shut her mouth!

Viera: Gladly!

- Outside -

Night: Did you hear that?

Rani: What?

Night: Sounded like someone calling for help.

Rani: What are you, psychic? It was probably a squirrel.

Night: Really? A squirrel? Let’s just hurry to the cottage.

Rani: Yes, sir!

- Inside -

Eury: Is she in?

Viera: She’s in. (A knock on the door)

Night: Open up! (Eury opens) Ah!

Eury: Why, Night! It’s been so long!

Night: S-Sir Eury!

Rani: Do you two know each other?

Eury: Oh? And who is this enchanting creature?

Rani: “Enchanting”? Aw, I’m Rani.

Night: I wouldn’t go so fat as “enchanting.” Cursed maybe. A curse herself even.

Eury: Oh now, Night. That’s no way to talk about your lovely darling.

Night: “Darling”?

Rani: Oh, no! Heaven forbid - we aren’t like that. No… no, I’m perfectly single. Teehee!

Eury: Oh really?

Night: Sir Eury - what are you doing out here? And where did that scream come from? (he scans the room)

Eury: Scream?

Viera:(entering) Oh! That was me. We were just… playing a game.

Night: A game?

Viera: Yes. Although I don’t think you’re quite old enough to understand.

Night: Ahem. Knowing Sir Eury, I don’t think that kind of game is possible. (Eury smiles)

Rani: I wanna play!

Night: What is wrong with you?

Rani: What?

Eury: Hahaha! How charming. I quite fancy your companion, Night.

Night: Yes, well, feel free to take her.

Rani: Have you two seen the princess around here?

Eury: Excuse me?

Night: Are you insane? Shut up! It’s nothing, Sir Eury. We’ll be going now.

Eury: Of course. It was wonderful seeing you again, Night. And absolutely delightful making your acquaintance, my dear (he kisses her hand).

Rani: Oh no! The pleasure is mine! (there is a bang on the closet)

Night: What was that? (He pushes in and opens the door) Eury! How do you explain this?

Eury: (Frozen) Explain what?

Night: This! (Night holds up a portrait of himself)

Eury: (relieved) Oh! Is that it?

Rani: Am I missing something?

Eury: Don’t be frightened. You see? (He takes out more portraits) I have many from my knighthood.

Night: Oh, I see. Forgive me for being so foolish.

Rani: You were a knight?

Eury: Yes, my dear, I was. Night was my squire.

Night: Actually it’s Sir Night now.

Rani: So what happened?

Night: It’s none of your business!

Rani: Well it was just a question. I’m sorry if it’s personal, Sir Eury.

Eury: It’s all right, Miss Rani. You see, I’m doing quite well for myself.

Rani: I do see. Quite well.

Night: We should be going.

Rani: What? But -

Night: We’re busy, Rani.

Eury: Well I’d never dream of keeping you.

Night: Yes… well… let’s go. (He grabs Rani who is staring at Eury) Now! (Eury waves them away)

Eury: Let’s leave through the back, yes?

- Outside -

Rani: What’s wrong with you?

Night: (Having been tense, breathing relief) Ah. Nothing, why?

Rani: Oh I see. When you meet a real gentleman you get scared.

Night: What?

Rani: Intimidated! Because you know you’re not a real man.

Night: Right. Real man.

Rani: Well, well, well. We’ve come to a crack in the Knight’s shining armour.

Night: Sure, why not? I just don’t like that guy.

Rani: Well I think he’s simply dashing. And I think he likes me too!

Night: You’re wrong.

Rani: Oh my ex-Knight in shining non-armour! Do you know what happened? Why isn’t he a knight anymore?

Night: I told you it’s non of your business.

Rani: I see. Wait. We haven’t moved. Why are we hiding behind the bushes?

Night: I don’t trust him. Why would the Princess’ footprints be leading to the door?

Rani: Well there was another woman there.

Night: No, she was wearing different shoes. Didn’t you see? She brought mud in when she came in. It just doesn’t add up.

Rani: So dirty.

Night: Yes, that’s what doesn’t add up.

Rani: You know, you could treat me with a little respect.

Night: Why aren’t the coming out?

Rani: Because they don’t want to?

Night: They weren’t dressed like that to stay inside. They’re going somewhere. Let’s wait a little bit longer.

(time passes)

Rani: You know, it’s been over 6 hours.

Night: You’re exaggerating again.

Rani: I’m sure Sir Eury has an explanation for everything. Let’s just go ask. (she gets up)

Night: Wait!

Rani: Sir Eury! Open the door please! Sir Eury?

Night: What? (He goes and knocks loudly) Sir Eury!

Rani: We have to open the door ourselves I guess. (Night kicks the door open and walks in) Oh my.

Night: They aren’t here?

Rani: No? Really?

Night: I told you! You see!

Rani: Yes, yes, you were right. But by now they must have gone so far!

Night: We’ll just have to catch up.

Rani: And I’m just so hungry! I don’t know how much farther I can go without food!

Night: … all right. Just a little while though.

Rani: Yay! (she hugs him)

End Scene

Scene X - The Cottage

2009-08-28T19:18:00.000-07:00

Eury: (coming out of his room, washed up) All right, girls. As soon as morning breaks we'll depart.

Priti: What? You mean this isn't where we're staying?

Viera: You must be joking! This is far too close to the castle. Our castle is across the sea.

Priti: You have your own castle? Then I suppose you're a prince from a rival nation.

Eury: .... hardly, princess. I'm just incredibly wealthy.

Priti: Mmm.... same thing.

Eury: (sits down next to Priti and sips from her cup) This is lovely, Viera. Do make another cup. (she leaves)

Priti: (still looking at the cup) Uh... (breaking gaze) Don't you sit so close to me!

Eury: Still have energy, do we? (He looks at the map on the table)

Priti: (still looking at him) I demand to know your name!

Eury: Oh! Have I not told you? What a shame, it's probably better that you don't know. Just call me "sir" for now.

Priti: "Sir?" Ha! (Viera comes back with Eury's cup)

Eury: What time is it darling?

Viera: Half past ten, my love.

Priti: ... Are you two... together then?

Viera: Yes.

Eury: No. (Sighs) Viera, darling. What have I told you about these delusions of yours?

Viera: I'm sorry, Eury, I just -

Eury: And yet you know that I'm not -

Priti: Aha! So Eury is your name!

Eury: (turning, slightly surprised but regaining his composure) Why, what a clever little deduction from our princess. Now, I think it's time to be off to bed. we have an early morning ahead of us.

(Time lapse; middle of the night, Priti comes over Eury's bed with a knife but stops and leaves. Eury stops her)

Eury: Oh, princess. You are much more dangerous than expected. Now I'll have to tie you up.

Priti: Oh!

Eury: (Grabbing her and putting her on a chair) Don't fret now, you've made me do this. (A pause) My goodness, princess - are you enjoying this? (he finishes and puts his head on her lap) Have I fallen unwittingly to the manipulation of a woman? Dear me, what lewd thoughts must be going through princess' mind!

Priti: (She kicks him off) How dare you!

Eury: My my, what sexual tension. What comes next, my dear? (He closes in and she closes her eyes) Ah-ah-ah. I'm afraid you're not my type, darling (she opens her eyes embarrassed and he goes around the chair) Well. You seem so disappointed, maybe just one. (he leans over and kisses her) I am such a pushover, I must work on that. (He leaves)

(Time Lapse, the next morning)

Eury: Wake up, ladies!

Viera: Oh, Eury!

Priti: What time is it - oh! My neck hurts so!

Viera: That’s a good luck for you, dearie. Now if only we had a gag for your mouth.

Priti: (gasps) How dare you!

Eury: Now, now, kittens. Let’s leave the claws in for now. It’s time to head out.

Priti: “Head out“? Why, I haven’t even had a proper bath!

Eury: Such luxuries are not owing to a hostage. Worry not, there is a small lake on the way, you may wash yourself there if we have time.

End Scene

Scene IX - Woods (Elsewhere)

2009-08-28T19:10:00.000-07:00

Rani: This is harder than I thought.

Night: A likely case.

Rani: Listen you, how about I just go in there and tell them the truth about this "kidnapping" business?

Night: Go ahead. Even if they did believe you, you'd be an accomplice and go right back to the dungeon.

Rani: Hmmph! (Under her breath) At least you'd be there too!

Night: Wait - what did you just say?

Rani: I said you'd be in the dungeon too!

Night: Why, Rani, have you fallen for me?

Rani: What? How does that translate?

Night: (coming up behind her) Think about it. You, me, in a dark cell; all alone...

Rani: Are you going to rape me? I want a body guard!

Night: Oh come one, I was joking. Who'd want to rape you?

Rani: Is that supposed to be an insult because it would be a good thing if no one wanted to.

Night: Can we forget I said anything?

Rani: You just threatened to rape me, it'll be a little difficult.

Night: I did not - look, you really know how to push things and mix words. Can we please get on with this?

Rani: Give me proof you're not lusting over me.

Night: How about - I'm in love with the princess?

Rani: I said lust not lo- wait, you're in love with the princess?

Night: Yes, actually, if you must know.

Rani: So that's why you wanted to kidnap her? To elope?

Night: Aren't you clever?

Rani: Aw, how stupidly romantic. Well, didn't that plan just screw up. Let's continue looking so you two can resume your love story and I can go back to - well, nothing! Except of course my hefty fee.

Night: Right, right. Ah! Look!

Rani: What?

Night: Footprints! Vague, but fresh enough.

Rani: People walk through these woods all the time - it might not be theirs.

Night: "People walk through these woods"? But this is the King's property - guarded by one hundred men! It's impossible for someone to enter.

Rani: Shows how much you know. How do you think I got into the princess' room? Anyway, look. It's only one pair of shoes - male shoes. Let's keep looking. There's a stream down that way, maybe they walked it to get rid of tracks.

Night: How do you know so much about this area?

Rani: Because I - oh, no reason?

Night: How do you expect to not be arrested? Honestly?

Rani: I have you! You wouldn't sell pretty little me out to the knighthood.

Night: How do you know?

Rani: How do I know? Hmm... because we're in this together. Also, you should know the consequences of betraying me.

Night: "Consequences?" And just what are those?

Rani: When I die I shall haunt you and make you never forget! I will be present during everything you do - watching you. (She imitates psycho music)

Night: Everything? Well, what about my wedding night?

Rani: (she looks to the side) Oh! (comes back) Uh... right, I'll skip that.

Night: And what if I die before you?

Rani: Die before - dammit I didn't think that far ahead...

Night: Well, why don't you go think about it over there while I do what we came here to do.

Rani: Sounds good! Jerk.

Night: (After a while) There are footprints everywhere - how can I tell which one are theirs?

Rani: Don't ask me, I'm thinking of how to haunt you if you die before me.

Night: Still? Aren't you supposed to be helping me?

Rani: Oh, you want help from me? I thought you were sooo smart.

Night: Rani.

Rani: Maybe if you ask me nicely.

Night: If you don't, I'll throw you back in jail. How's that for nice?

Rani: And then you'll never find your girlfriend.

Night: Rani...

Rani: Yes, Sir Night?

Night: Will you kindly be a dear and assist me in my search for Princess Priti?

Rani: Well. Since you asked nicely... (she gets up) No.

Night: Who saw that coming...

Rani: That was so fake! You can do better than that! Come, take a deep breath and visualize...

Night: You know what, forget it!

Rani: Right. (She sits back down)

Night: We'll just have to go to the end of all these tracks.

Rani: All of them?

Night: Each and every one - oh soo much walking.

Rani: Right, well, have fun.

Night: Oh I will, since you'll be coming to entertain me with your blinding wit (he drags her up).

Rani: What? I will? Why will I?

Night: How else am I to be sure you won't escape?

Rani: I give you... my word.

Night: Yea... while I'm quite sure I appreciate that you're still coming with me.

Rani: But I don't want to go down "each and every one!"

Night: Well I don't know which tracks are theirs, so we have to! What a predicament!

Rani: Fine! I'll help you!

Night: Great! Let's think now.

Rani: Those are theirs (she points)

Night: What? ... How long have you known this?

Rani: Um... around your wedding night.

Night: Why didn't you say anything!

Rani: Oh, but brave Sir Night, you wouldn't need the help of a lowly wench like me.

Night: Is that really it? Or do you just want to spend as much time with me as possible?

Rani: Are you sure you're not a rapist?

Night: Oh please, if I was going to rape you I would've already done it! Besides, I have a fianceé, remember?

Rani: Then... stay 5 ft away from me at all times.

Night: Are we really going to be able to keep that up?

Rani: Follow the tracks!

Night: Tch. How do you know these are theirs anyway?

Rani: (starting loudly) Besides the dainty little shoes - they are the only tracks leading away from the paths.

Night: Ah... right. Good work, let's continue.

End Scene

Scene VIII - The Woods

2009-08-28T19:06:00.000-07:00

Priti: Right, are we there yet?

Eury: Just about...

Priti: Because I'd really like to sit down, you know.

Eury: Sit on the ground.

Priti: ... are you joking?

Eury: Do you expect a throne? Again, I'm a kidnapper.

Priti: If I am returned with one hair on my head harmed - (he pulls a hair out of her head)

Eury: Then?

Priti: Oh! You! How dare you!

Eury: I'll pull the whole damned thing out if you don't shut up!

Priti: Who are you?!

Eury: Look, princess, we're here.

(A small cottage)

Priti: Oh. How quaint.

Eury: It's home for now. I hope you know to cook and clean, my dear.

Priti: Cook and clean? But you're kidnapping me! To be a maid?

Eury: Just an extra perk for myself, princess.

(A pause, Eury stoops to pick a flower)

Priti: Oh, is that for m- (he puts it in his pocket) Well, won't you open the door for me?

Eury: I'm sorry, what would make you think that?

Priti: Well, chivalry must be dead.

Eury: Executed, I'm afraid. But that's of no import. In with you! (He opens the door and pushes her in)

Priti: Well! No one has ever treated me in such a manner!

Eury: Oh, God. Listen, I know what those words mean. Don't you fall in love with me!

Priti: Fall in - preposterous! Why the thought never even crossed my mind, I assure you!

(A pause)

Eury: It has now, hasn't it?

Priti: Well of course! I'm a woman, you're a man - but it would never happen! I feel only hatred for you.

Eury: A woman and a man? I suppose that is a conventional statement. But I'm afraid you've limited yourself, princess.

Priti: Limited?

Eury: Meet my right hand, Viera.

Viera: Good day.

Priti: Why didn't she kidnap me?

Eury: Why would she?

Priti: She's your servant, is she not?

Viera: "Servant?" Well I never!

Eury: Yes, and?

Viera: Oh!

Eury: Hm? Are you all right, my dear?

Viera: (quickly recovering) Yes, my love!

Priti: Oh, nevermind.

Eury: She was making your tea, "majesty."

Priti: Oh. No thank you - lemon water for me please.

Viera: Lemon water? You'll have what you're given child!

Priti: Yes, mistress... (thinking hard) old maid!.

Viera: You!

Eury: Well, I'll be letting you two mingle then -while I get rid of this massive headache I've had since... well since I met you to be quite honest (He leaves)

Priti: So obvious you love him.

Viera: You will shut your mouth. And don't you get any ideas about him!

Priti: The thought never crossed my mind.

(A pause)

Viera: Stop thinking!

End Scene

Scene VII - The Dungeon

2009-08-28T19:01:00.000-07:00

Rani: Nobody knows the trouble I've seen... nobody knows my sorrow...

Night: Hey.

Rani: Well, well, well. Mr. Hero; Mr. Virtue.

Night: Still upset with me then?

Rani: (continues singing) Nobody knows...

Night: Ok, ok, I get it. Anyhow, I've gotten you out.

Rani: You outted me? But why?

Night: So you could help me out.

Rani: But you are out.

Night: No, no - not 'out.' Not like that!

Rani: I'm a bit lost. Perhaps you could help me by opening this cell. I find that that normally helps a person.

Night: Right, right, just shut up. (He opens the door)

Rani: Sweet.

Night: Now you have to help me out.

Rani: Yeah, sure, I think the exit's just over here.

Night: I know where the exit is!

Rani: You baffle me.

Night: I am saying you must assist me!

Rani: Oh! Should've just said that.

Night: Why do you bother speaking? In fact, why do you even bother thinking?

Rani: Hmm, let me think about that... Why should I help you!

Night: Because I got you out of jail.

Rani: You also got me in. We're even.

Night: Because the only way I could get you out was by telling the King you knew where the princess was - and if you don't come with me he'll torture the location out of you.

(A pause)

Rani: .... no you didn't.

Night: Yes I did.

Rani: Did you really?

Night: Must you ask?

Rani: But I don't know where the princess is!

Night: I realized that. But we can always use your psychic abilities!

Rani: Are you joking?

Night: It was worth a shot.

Rani: Wait... wait I am getting something.

Night: Oh yeah, what's that?

Rani: It's a little blurred...

Night: Fog, maybe.

Rani: I'm being shown... it's telling me...

Night: Wait - you're serious? What is it?

Rani: .... that you're a dumbass. How could you fall for that?

Night: Don't mock me! I'm desperate!

Rani: Well let's think about this. They left through the window, right?

Night: Yeah, I was outside the door, there is no other exit.

Rani: So where could they have gone from there?

Night: The woods, I suppose. But that's so huge and surround most of the castle!

Rani: Well, let's go. We might find something. Oh I feel like a private eye!

Night: Right, sure, let's go.

Rani: Wait, hold on.

Night: What is it?

Rani: My money.

Night: Are you kidding me? I have nothing on me!

Rani: Well, listen. When this is all over, I want my money.

Night: Yes, of course!

Rani: Double!

Night: Fine, fine! I really have to drag you everywhere don't I?

End Scene

Scene VI - Throne Room

2009-08-28T18:58:00.000-07:00

King: Oh, what am I to do? My daughter has been kidnapped!

Advisor: My liege...

King: War! War must be wrought upon the Muslims!

(an order of knights enter, including Rose, Crantz and Night)

Advisor: My liege, the Christians have nothing to do with this.

King: No, I suppose not.

Rose: Your Highness, if I may speak.

King: Yes, Sir Rose.

Rose: Sir Night was there at the scene before anyone else. It's only logical he should know something.

King: Indeed. Sir Night!

Night: Sir!

Advisor: Did you see anything unusual at the scene?

King: Perhaps the Spanish Coat of Arms?

Night: Afraid not, sir.

Advisor: Have you any clues of who did it?

King: It was the Muslims, wasn't it? War, I say!

Advisor: My liege! Please, calm yourself. Night?

Night: Well, sir, I have an accomplice in the prison. We may question her.

King: Is she Muslims?

Night: No, Majesty.

King: Damn those Muslim bastards!

Night: If I may, your Highness.

King: Proceed.

Night: If I were to be allowed to leave with the prisoner, I'm sure I could find the princess and bring her home safely.

King: Good, man! Well, set off to it!

Night: My Lord. (he bows and exits with the other knights)

Advisor: (To a servant) Call in Sir Nisus.

(Nisus enters)

Nisus: You called, my liege?

Advisor: The King wishes you to follow Sir Knight. He does not trust him.

King: I don't?

Advisor: He's half-Muslim, my Lord.

King: No!

Advisor: I'm afraid so, Majesty.

King: Follow him Sir Nisus! And report back fully!

Nisus: Gladly, my Lord. (He leaves)

End Scene

Scene V - Castle Corridor

2009-08-28T09:44:00.000-07:00

Rani: You know, it's also illogical that there should be people commiting crimes.

Rose: How's that?

Rani: Well, why would anyone logically do something if it's illegal and there is a good probability of them getting caught - would you?

Night: That's a bit of a stretch, isn't it?

Rani: Think about it.

Crantz: (stopping) She's right.

Night: Are you joking?

Rani: So you'll set me free?

Rose: (They resume walking) Oh I don't know. Something is keeping me from accepting your logic, young one.

Crantz: You see, the fact is, people do commit crimes.

Rose: Yes, quite right.

Rani: Do they - or is it all in your mind?

Crantz: (after some thought) Right, I do believe this is more of a philosophical question.

Rose: And as such... not in our jurisdiction

Crantz: ... not in our jurisdiction.

Rani: (giving up) Of course not...

Night: Listen, I'll take her the rest of the way.

Rose: Oh, would you? How kind.

Night: Well, I was the one who found her, I should take her the rest of the way, no?

Crantz: Quite logical, my dear fellow.

Rose: Yes, quite. Then we shall be off. Good day to you sir, lady.

Rani: Good day, kind sir (she curtsies as they leave)

Night: You're not really a lady, don't curtsy.

Rani: What - just because I'm not a princess? Well I'll have you know I'm my daddy's princess... when he's not sober... which is most of the time!

Night: Right. Well, here's the dungeon.

Rani: What? What about my money!

Night: What money? You didn't do anything!

Rani: But I came to do it! I even scaled the damn wall!

Night: Yeah, but you were late - therefore: no money.

Rani: So you can arrest me for a crime I didn't do but you can't pay me?

Night: Oh, just go! (he pushes her through the doorway) I'll come back for you later!

End Scene

Scene IV - Outside The Castle

2009-08-27T21:14:00.000-07:00

Priti: (Lifting her dress) Where are we waiting for Night?

Eury: Is that something a kidnapper would divulge to a hostage?

Priti: A "hostage?" Ha! I am a princess - show some respect!

Eury: Respect? But I'm a kidnapper! ... Is that really as fast as you can walk?

Priti: You try wearing a bloody long gown while being kidnapped and walking in the woods!

Eury: (rips the bottom half of her skirt out) Better? Let's move, shall we?

Priti: Oh! You could've just gotten a coach!

Eury: Oh - my what a brilliant idea. Hire someone to drive me away as I kidnap a public icon! Forgive me, princess, for not foretelling your general aversion to exercise. You see, I'm not actually here to pamper you. As I said before - I am a kidnapper.

Priti: ... Are you an actor? Did Night hire an actor?

Eury: Ok, ok, stop. I don't think you quite grasp the concept of being kidnapped.

Priti: I don't think you quite grasp the details of your job! You were hired to kidnap me!

Eury: What nonsense - I was not hired!

Priti: Not hired? Don't be ridiculous! (they look at each other) Wait. You're quite serious? (She slowly walks backward then turns and runs) Help! Help me!

Eury: Really? Must we do this?

End Scene

Scene III - The Tower Room

2009-08-27T21:09:00.000-07:00

Night: Just a couple more hours, my sweet. Then you will be kidnapped. After a few days I will "rescue" you and we will be wed.

Priti: Oh, my love!

Night: I must haste away. Go with your kidnapper - and don't forget your jewels. (he leaves)

Priti: Oh! Soon I shall be with my love! Sigh!
(Eury enters through the window)
Eury: (dramatically) Princess Priti! I am here to kidnap you!

Priti: Oh - well that was quite fast.

Eury: Sorry?

Priti: Oh, forgive me. I should act more, right? Let me mess this place up, like a struggle! (She tosses things around) Oh woe is me! I am being kidnapped!

Eury: (confused) Well, yes. Quite right then. Shall we go?

Priti: Wait! Don't forget my jewels!

Eury: Jewels - of what use - yes, well, fine then, let's go.

Priti: Yes, yes (going to the window). Help me down, then.

Eury: What? Help you down? Do you know how high up we are?!

Priti: Listen, you're getting good money for this! I order you to help me down! I am a princess!

Eury: Fine. (he pushes her out of the window) Now you're down.

(Night enters after Eury leaves)

Night: Ah, Princess, I for- oh. well that was quick.

(Rani enters)

Night: Did you forget something?

Rani: What? No.... I'm here for the princess.

Night: What?!

(Rose 'n' Crantz enter)

Rose: We heard crashing! Oh my God, what happened here? Where is the princess!

Crantz: Well, Rose, by the look of the room and the princess missing, I would have to logically say that she has been kidnapped.

Rose: Ah, yes, quite logical Crantz. Wait (looking at Rani) - who are you?

Rani: Me - I'm -

Night: (quickly) She kidnapped the princess - I just found her here!

Rani: What?!

Crantz: Don't be ridiculous, how could she have kidnapped the princess if she is here and the princess is not?

Night: She came back to the scene of the crime!

Rani: After 5 seconds, seriously? You're gonna go with that?

Night: Silence, thief!

Rose: No, you see, she's quite right. You aren't thinking logically, Night. Why would she do that and how could she take the princess so quickly and then come back?

Rani: Wait, you're a knight named Night?

Crantz: Quite funny, isn't it?

Rani: Quite! (They laugh)

Night: Look, she's kidnapped the princess.

Rani: I have not!

Rose: No, you see, like I said, it's quite illogical.

Crantz: Quite illogical, surely.

Night: She had an accomplice then.

Crantz: Oh, well, there you go. Now you make sense. Come with us, miss.

Rani: Oh Lord, the blood tea and crumpets await!

End Scene

Scene II - Marketplace

2009-08-27T21:02:00.000-07:00

Night: God dammit! Now what? Ah, thinking is of no use to me now...

Rani: What are you muttering about good Sir Knight? Shall I tell your future?

Night: If you were truly a psychic, you wouldn't have to ask what was wrong - would you?

Rani: Cheeky little-- What, you think you're better than me because you're a knight? A girl's just trying to make an honest living!

Night: Honest? Ha! You're no better than a common thief! Listen, I don't have time for this. I have to find a guttersnake corrupt and poor enough that they would... wait! You!

Rani: Me.

Night: Yes, you.

Rani: Hi.

Night: How far are you wiling to go for money?

Rani: Woah - I'm not into that kind of thing, sweetheart.

Night: What? Oh, God! No, no, not that! Why would I be - no, nevermind. Look, there's a lot of money in this for you if you're willing.

Rani: What is it? No, no - wait a minute. Is this one of those things where you root out all the potential criminals and them impale them and do horrible things like drink their blood over tea biscuits and crumpets?

Night: Um... no. Are you a writer?

Rani: "Um... no"? How bloody persuasive and eloquent.

Night: Listen, you annoying twat. I need you to (whispering) kidnap the princess.

Rani: Eh?

Night: I said I -

Rani: I know what you said. Are you mad? Wait, aren't you a knight? This IS one of those things wih the impaling and the horrible blood crumpet drinking! Oh woe is me!

Night: Oh, God.

Rani: That I should come to my end by the unjust law of our modern society!
(an old woman passes)
O.W.: Night? Oh, Night, look how you've grown - do you remember me?

Night: I'm afraid not, ma'am.

O.W.: I was your grandmother's brother's wife's second cousin! I owe so much to her. Oh - Rani! Do you two know each other? Thank goodness she's has right moral companionship for once. If you need to arrest her, please do - she probably deserves it.

Night: Oh, does she?

Rani: Granny...

Night: Actually, I was just asking her for a favour.

O.W.: She'll do it.

Rani: Nani!

O.W.: Nah worry talk back, miss ting. Who is you - I is yuh nani! Yuh bes do what I seh or me gun cut yuh ass wid uh bamboo!
(they continue to argue in Guyanese, Night bewildered)
O.W.: (smiling sweetly) She'll do it.

Night: Good! I'll just give her the details in private.

O.W.: Of course. You know I speak badly of her but she'll make a good wife. Look at these hips - she'll bear many children.

Rani: Nani!

Night: Right...

O.W.: Do send your mother my regards, I'm off! (she goes)

Night: Shall we?

Rani: Wait - you were serious then?

Night: Of course.

Rani: How much did you say was in this for me? Big job, big risks. Gotta pay big money.

Night: There will be money, don't you worry. All I need you to do is the actual action of kidnapping her and then keeping her until I say.

Rani: Lot of risk.

Night: Lot of money.

Rani: Better be.

End Scene

Scene I - The Tower Room

2009-08-27T20:59:00.000-07:00

Night: (he bows) My princess, you called for me?

Priti: Night! Oh, Night, don't speak to me so formally - not when we are alone.

Night: Is something wrong?

Priti: It is my father - Oh, Night!

Night: What is it?

Priti: My father - has promised me in marriage to someone else!

Night: Excuse me?

Priti: 'Tis true! A spanish prince named Blue! What shall we do my love?

Night: This is indeed troubling... indeed.

Priti: Oh, my love! (she hugs him)

Night: (not hugging back) What to do? What to do.... aha! Kidnap!

Priti: (she stops) I'm sorry, what?

Night: I'll kidnap you! My princess, I'll have you kidnapped, then we shall live happily ever after!

Priti: Oh, Night! But when? And how?

Night: Tomorrow night. You leave the details to me, my love. Just be ready to leave with your things tomorrow evening. I must start preparing. I bid you farewell, my love. (he leaves then pops back in) Oh, and do take your fineries.

Priti: My fineries? But why, love?

Night: Ahem, just in case of emergencies in our travels, love. I wouldn't want you to live any different from how you do now. Goodbye, I shall send you a "kidnapper" tomorrow night!

End Scene

Cast of Characters

2009-08-27T20:46:00.000-07:00

The following script is something I've been developing for... a very very long time. Years I guess; but I took a lot of long breaks for school (highschool then university why won't the let me beeeeee). But now I'm starting up again and trrryiiing to get it done. So, reader, have fun (I hope), and enjoy and comment and criticize as you see fit.

A MEDIEVAL ROMANCE

CAST OF CHARACTERS

SUBJECT TO CHANGE AS SCRIPT CHANGES =p

Rani
Sir Night
Princess Priti
Sir Eury
Sir Nisus
Azul
Viera
Rose
Crantz
Guild
Stern
The King
The Advisor
Old Woman (O.W.)

Setting: Medieval Europe; All the characters are played by people of color with fake british accents. Yeah it's kind of like reverse type of role-playing type of mock-whitey film (although it is in play format I realize; don't be pretentious =p) This isn't racist: I deserve to mock prude European society after they mocked mine. But I'm not going to go into the anti-racist chatter since that'll just take away from my script which I love so much =) All right, I think that's enough pretext! Read!